| (Some Guy)2008-12-31 |
 |
[Main]Doctor tells woman her liver looks like a "dried up old meatloaf," gives her about 10 minutes to live until another woman's liver replaces the meatloaf. Man, I'm hungry |
(41) |
| (Yahoo)2008-12-31 |
 |
[Politics]Obama's ticket to turning the country around: More Cuban cigars and rum |
(91) |
| (Arizona Star)2008-12-30 |
 |
[Business]I know we said stores would start failing on Black Friday. Then just before Christmas. But we're sure they're going to start failing AFTER Christmas. Any day now. You'll see |
(52)(+1) |
| (Yahoo)2008-12-28 |
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[Politics]The good thing about the current economic crisis? It's bankrupting the terrorists. Oh goody |
(46) |
| (Yahoo)2008-12-27 |
 |
[Showbiz]Screenwriter talks about Keyser Söze and "The Usual Suspects" just before disappearing mysteriously |
(48) |
| (Yahoo)2008-12-23 |
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[Main]Animal rights activists plead their case by mailing lab workers used sanitary napkins and needles, saying they're infected with HIV, and accusing them of being pedophiles. Your dog wants a little farking dignity |
(148) |
| (Washington Times)2008-12-22 |
 |
[Politics]Latest outrageous covert action: Bush and Cheney have personally, privately written the families of every fallen US soldier. Click the number to the right for loud passionate claims that it doesn't count |
(436) |
| (Yahoo)2008-12-20 |
 |
[Main]The media thinks the media's obsession with the media's coverage of the media's influence on that shoe-thrower in the media might be bad news for the media, says the media |
(97) |
| (CNN)2008-12-18 |
 |
[Politics]New York promises they'll use the new fat tax to cure obesity. You know, just like the government has used tobacco taxes to cure cancer |
(51) |
| (USA Today)2008-12-16 |
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[Geek]Apocalyptic religious beliefs in my global warming science? It's more likely than you think |
(53) |
| (Hot Air)2008-12-15 |
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[Main]Obama: "When Blagojevich and I met on Nov. 5 to talk about my Senate seat, we didn't meet and we didn't talk about my Senate seat." Media: "Well, that makes perfect sense. Case closed" |
(687) |
| (Reuters)2008-12-13 |
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[Main]What could be dumber than blowing $900 million in a casino? How about suing the casino for it |
(86) |
| (Jalopnik)2008-12-09 |
 |
[Main]Old and busted: You find a parking ticket on your windshield. New hotness: A polite note explaining that the huge bloody hole in your windshield is because someone jumped off a building and by the way, he had AIDS. Bonus: Car parked on Fell St |
(118) |
| (Some Guy)2008-12-08 |
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[Main]"Court of Appeal Rules Couple Living Apart Not Living Together." Obvious tag curls up in corner, whimpering |
(17) |
| (NJ.com)2008-12-08 |
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[Main]Today's Mutilated Metaphor: "Now the piper is coming home to roost. We have to pay that piper." Submitter's Chocolate of Common Sense just got in this idiot's Peanut Butter of Mangled Metaphors |
(115) |
| (Telegraph)2008-12-04 |
 |
[Showbiz]Composer wills his own skull to Royal Shakespearean Company for use during "Hamlet." RSC refuses, saying a real skull is too icky. Besides, the composer has been decomposing for a long time now |
(28) |
| (London Times)2008-12-02 |
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[Geek]New breakthrough in managing chronic pain: Looking the wrong way through binoculars. Includes helpful photo of man looking through binoculars the correct way |
(14) |
| (London Times)2008-12-02 |
 |
[Geek]Up to 40% of patients in "vegetative state" are misdiagnosed and actually fully awake, but unable to speak or move. Pleasant dreams |
(51) |
| (Yahoo)2008-12-02 |
 |
[Business]Oil falls to $48 a barrel on news that Britney Spears, Madonna and Christina Aguilera won't be trading spit on stage anymore |
(16) |
| (Breitbart.com)2008-12-01 |
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[Main]UN's global warming summit will create 13,000 tons of carbon and greenhouse gas emissions |
(118) |
| (MSNBC)2008-11-26 |
 |
[Main]"Churches: Chocolate Jesus is 'tasteless.'" Marshmallow Muhammed and Peanut Butter Buddha, on the other hand, pronounced excellent |
(87) |
| (The Local (Germany))2008-11-26 |
 |
[Main]"Anything to declare, sir?" "No." "Um — what about this maggot-infested monkey head?" "I thought that was duty-free" |
(0) |
| (Some Guy)2008-11-25 |
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[Main]"Nurse Caught Drunk Twice." Maybe on his third try the drunk will run faster |
(19) |
| (Wall Street Journal)2008-11-25 |
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[Politics]If Sarah Palin said the sun was the center of the universe, people would make fun of her. Copernicus, they call a great scientist. Where's the justice? |
(118) |
| (Detroit Free Press)2008-11-25 |
 |
[Politics]Article: The only hope for the economy is if we force Nancy Pelosi to impeach Bush right now. After that it gets a little weird |
(48) |
| (Fox News)2008-11-24 |
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[Main]Protip: If you need surgery to remove a kidney stone, pay a little extra for the "Surgeon Who Won't Amputate Your Hands and Feet" option |
(121) |
| (Yahoo)2008-11-24 |
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[Main]Obama brings change to Washington by stocking his cabinet with lifelong Washington insiders. Wait, what? |
(646) |
| (Yahoo)2008-11-24 |
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[Main]Obama's team considers giving Monica Lewinsky a job. Bonus quote: "She's a fresh face with a lot to offer" |
(157) |
| (CBS4Denver – KCNC)2008-11-13 |
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[Main]If you live in Denver and want to buy a pool cover, make sure it has the "This Cover Can Support Two Horses" seal of approval |
(10) |
| (Miami Herald)2008-11-13 |
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[Politics]Obama will suddenly reveal his secret Muslim identity by riding to his inauguration on a camel shouting ''Death to Israel'' (I mean Obama will be shouting this, not the camel) |
(86) |
| (Bloomberg)2008-11-12 |
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[Politics]The good news: Obama's banning lobbyists from his transition team. The obvious news: Mostly because he doesn't need them; he's already asked his biggest donors and fundraisers to join |
(143) |
| (Wall Street Journal)2008-11-11 |
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[Sports]Super Bowl advertisers and TV networks both discover to their shock that 30 seconds of air time is not worth $3 million |
(28) |
| (Wall Street Journal)2008-11-07 |
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[Politics]The good thing about Obama's new chief of staff: He might be able to get the wackier members of Congress, like Barbara Boxer or Nancy Pelosi, to STFU |
(180) |
| (Yahoo)2008-11-07 |
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[Showbiz]How do you get to Carnegie Hall? If you're Katt Williams, by getting arrested for driving without plates and with an unlicensed gun, then making bail just in time for your show |
(33) |
| (Yahoo)2008-11-06 |
 |
[Main]Mahmoud Ahmadinejad is so happy Obama won he promises not to start calling him The Great Satan until next week |
(237) |
| (Reuters)2008-10-30 |
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[Main]Scientists find 3,000-year-old Hebrew text, the oldest ever found in Israel — five lines of text in which a mom asks her son why he never visits anymore |
(52) |
| (Yahoo)2008-10-29 |
|
[Politics]Since Palin didn't immediately beat Ted Stevens' skull in with a hockey stick, they're obviously political cronies who stomp puppies. Or something like that |
(114) |
| (Huffington Post)2008-10-29 |
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[Politics]And now for one of America's most hallowed political traditions: Time to dust off the fear-mongering "some unlikely aberration in the Electoral College could make your favorite candidate lose" story |
(132) |
| (Wall Street Journal)2008-10-28 |
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[Politics]Nicholas Kristof of the New York Times announces that a password-protected al Qaida site endorses McCain. No word on why al Qaida gave Kristof a password, though (second item) |
(83) |
| (Some Guy)2008-10-28 |
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[Politics]Stay with me here: Nancy Pelosi says that if the Dems capture the White House, the Supreme Court and wider majorities in Congress, our government will be "more bipartisan." Can we all have some of what you're smoking, Nancy? |
(114) |
| (Smh.com.au)2008-10-28 |
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[Main]The Dalai Lama vows to use paper plates from now on. Or maybe I just misunderstood this headline |
(53) |
| (Some Guy)2008-10-27 |
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[Main]Is our children simulating sex in class? "Sophomore Christine Runco, who played the crucial part of the "penis" in the presentation, said that "words failed her" |
(152) |
| (Yahoo)2008-10-27 |
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[Politics]Bait and Switch 101: 1) Find an inbred racist moron who misquotes the Bible and says he hates Obama. 2) Imply that anyone not supporting Obama is just like this guy. 3) Oh, did I say "imply"? |
(193) |
| (Yahoo)2008-10-27 |
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[Politics]1. Complain about Sarah Palin's $150,000 wardrobe. 2. Then complain that it looks like her shoes don't fit right. Congratulations: You're way to stupid to be a redneck, but you'll make a great Huffington Post columnist |
(91) |
| (Some Guy)2008-10-21 |
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[Geek]Teacher brings nonvenomous snake to school. "Nonvenomous" of course being defined as "he'll bite you and you'll die." If you can guess what happened next, your Fark Fu is strong |
(61) |
| (Chicago Sun-Times)2008-10-21 |
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[Politics]Reporters: Want a nice warm tent, some food and a place to plug in your laptop while covering Obama on election night? No problem — that'll be $935, please. If you don't have $935, you can just stand in line outside. For $880 |
(83) |
| (Some Guy)2008-10-21 |
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[Main]Police officer asked to go to massage parlors, wait until the masseuse puts a condom on him and starts a sex act, then excuse himself to use his phone. No one will suspect a thing |
(0) |
| (Some Guy)2008-10-20 |
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[Main]"Heckler inaugurated as VU president," interrupts his own acceptance speech more than a dozen times |
(29) |
| (NPR)2008-10-20 |
 |
[Main]Iraqi woman sleeps with soldier, gets pregnant, then married. Moves to US, gets a stripper job, abuses her kids and the courts take them away. Then her husband throws her out. Guess whose fault all this is. Go ahead, guess |
(281) |
| (Wall Street Journal)2008-10-20 |
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[Politics]The New York Times' public editor looks carefully, but can't see any evidence of bias in his newspaper (second item). In related news, Stevie Wonder can find no evidence of graffiti on his house |
(67) |
| (Daily Mail)2008-10-18 |
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[Main]Changed your Facebook status to single? That's a hacking with a meat cleaver |
(107) |
| (My Fox Orlando)2008-10-17 |
 |
[Main]Wearing a Palin shirt to middle school? That's racist |
(802) |
| (Wall Street Journal)2008-10-16 |
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[Business]Sen. Chris Dodd is not afraid to announce whose fault the mortgage crisis is: Everyone else but him |
(48) |
| (Chicago Sun-Times)2008-10-16 |
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[Politics]Obama opens three fundraising offices each in 18 battleground states — so donors can give him the maximum amount allowed by law three times each. That's change we can line our pockets with |
(70) |
| (Omaha World Herald)2008-10-15 |
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[Main]Stupid: Nebraska Senator files lawsuit against God. Obvious: Judge throws it out. Fark: Because there's no way to serve papers to the defendant |
(125) |
| (Houston Chronicle)2008-10-14 |
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[Showbiz]Release of "W": Before the election. Release of a pro-McCain movie: Mothballed until after the election. Hollywood still pretending both flicks are pure art with no political intent: Priceless |
(160) |
| (Huffington Post)2008-10-14 |
 |
[Politics]In an article containing numerous spelling and grammatical errors, Huffington Post writer asks, "Why are Americans so content with mediocrity?" |
(92) |
| (AP)2008-10-14 |
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[Business]Stock market improves from "photos of sad traders" to "photos of excited traders" |
(33) |
| (YouTube)2008-10-13 |
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[Main]Obama mention pie 15 times in less than two minutes during a speech. That's change we can believe in |
(283) |
| (Telegraph)2008-10-10 |
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[Main]Actual headline: "Talkin' Bout My Boring Generation." Welcome to old farthood, Baby Boomers |
(73) |
| (Hartford Courant)2008-10-08 |
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[Main]The headline: "Urine's Sterile. So When Should You Drink It?" The photo: A guy eating a roasted tarantula on a stick. If you guessed this article is a review of a new kid's book, you win a cookie |
(76) |
| (Some Guy)2008-10-08 |
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[Main]Obama: "We all have to make sacrifices. But I'm going to make the richest 1% pay, not you. But we all have to make sacrifices. So here's some free money. But remember: We all have to make sacrifices" |
(659) |
| (AP)2008-10-07 |
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[Main]China is conducting its own probe of Chinese gymnasts' ages; say they won't rest until they find the real killers. Um–ages, l mean. The real ages |
(64) |
| (Some Guy)2008-10-07 |
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[Main]Woman dies after being trapped in freezer she was cleaning. Police thawt it was an open-and-shut case, but things were harder than expected. Family says they'll give her an ice funeral |
(9) |
| (National Review)2008-10-06 |
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[Politics]How to fact-check McCain or Palin: 1. Announce loudly that everything they just said is a lie. 2. Take a minute to briefly skim what they actually said. 3. Extract random, vaguely relevant information from butt to prove step 1 |
(74) |
| (New York Daily News)2008-10-06 |
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[Main]Last week: 7-year-old feeds zoo animals to the zoo's croc. This week: "CHILD GOES ON VIOLENT RAMPAGE AT ZOO." Bonus: If the photo's to be believed, he forced the croc to eat at gunpoint. Is there a sweeps week in Australia? |
(86) |
| (Huffington Post)2008-10-06 |
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[Politics]Columnist says he and the rest of the liberal left have gone "batshiat crazy" since September at the thought that McCain might win. No word on how this differs from their mental status in years past |
(119) |
| (Breitbart.tv)2008-10-02 |
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[Video]Homer Simpson demonstrates that Obama has locked up the Fat Yellow Stupid Overbite vote |
(28) |
| (Reuters)2008-10-01 |
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[Main]The headline: "Palin's Troubles Mount." The story: Four or five journalists quoted as saying they don't like her. This editorial — er political analysis — brought to you by Reuters |
(489) |
| (Wall Street Journal)2008-10-01 |
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[Politics]We've watched every presidential and vice presidential debate since 1988, and in our memory the moderators are just a blur–an endless procession of Jim Lehrers, a significant percentage of whom WERE Jim Lehrer |
(32) |
| (Telegraph)2008-10-01 |
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[Main]"Why Propping Up Banks Will Not Rescue a Debauched Financial System." Oh, c'mon — nobody says "debauched" anymore. Yeesh |
(161) |
| (Wall Street Journal)2008-09-30 |
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[Main]John McCain: "We need to allow ROTC on college campuses." College audience: "BOOOOO." Obama: "I agree with Sen. McCain." Same college audience: "[crickets]" |
(863) |
| (Breitbart.tv)2008-09-29 |
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[Main]Pelosi takes time out from her busy schedule of calling a vote on the bailout bill to remind us that the whole thing is Bush's fault, and Wall Street was nipple-deep in puppies and rainbows when Clinton was in office |
(518) |
| (Wall Street Journal)2008-09-26 |
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[Politics]Presidents and presidential candidates don't often take on the press directly, the way McCain is. But two in recent history have — and both won their elections |
(87) |
| (Fox News)2008-09-24 |
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[Geek]Nothing to see here, citizens. Better try not to THINK about anything, either |
(108) |
| (Some Guy)2008-09-23 |
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[Main]"Two Jawans, 4 militants killed in gunbattle." Tusken Raiders claim responsibility |
(81) |
| (Huffington Post)2008-09-23 |
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[Politics]Dear Huffington Post: Printing a transcription of one of Obama's speeches with a few comments about how amazing he is sprinkled on top does not an article make |
(48) |
| (Yahoo)2008-09-22 |
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[Main]"McCain, Obama Avoid Same-Sex Marriage." Cindy, Michelle heave sigh of relief |
(68) |
| (Some Guy)2008-09-22 |
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[Politics]Which Obama will show up at the debates? If you have to ask, there may be a problem no matter which one it is |
(80) |
| (WCBStv.com)2008-09-21 |
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[Politics]Rep. Charles Rangel, yesterday: "Sarah Palin is disabled." Then he said it again. Then once more for good measure. Today: "That's not what I meant to say" |
(92) |
| (YouTube)2008-09-19 |
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[Video]Can I interest you in some rubber nipples? Best Ren & Stimpy clip evar |
(29) |
| (Huffington Post)2008-09-18 |
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[Politics]This week: "Palin doesn't have a prayer in the debates against an old pro like Biden." Next week: "Palin cheated, and Biden lost the ball in the sun. Doesn't count. Do over" |
(300) |
| (Wall Street Journal)2008-09-16 |
|
[Politics]Same old story: Veep candidate with less than two years' experience as a state governor. I am speaking, of course, about Calvin Coolidge. Also Teddy Roosevelt |
(437) |
| (CBS News)2008-09-16 |
|
[Politics]"The Sarah Palin phenomenon is doomed." Not because of any revelations or anything — it's because the media has the attention-span of a squirrel on crack and they're getting bored |
(203) |
| (Gazette.com)2008-09-14 |
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[Main]Protip: If you want to go out and behead some Christians with a knife, pick one who won't hit you in the face so hard you lose an eye |
(511) |
| (Some Guy)2008-09-14 |
|
[Main]You're a cop looking for an escaped criminal. Do you C. Enter an uninvolved, innocent woman's house without her knowledge and shoot her dog while she's taking a shower? |
(336) |
| (YouTube)2008-09-12 |
 |
[Video]Hey man: Is that Freedom Rock? |
(30) |
| (Politico)2008-09-12 |
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[Main]Dem Senate candidate unhappy about ad depicting him as an aging hippy in a smoke-filled VW van. "It could be the engine overheating," said the ad's writer |
(133) |
| (Salon)2008-09-11 |
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[Politics]Latest unhinged statement: Palin had a Down Syndrome baby on purpose to establish her pro-life bonafides |
(3) |
| (Salon)2008-09-11 |
|
[Politics]"Palin comes across not as a fantasy pinup, but as a dominatrix. And the S/M demographic isn't going to put the Republicans over the top in the swing states." Bonus: The. Best. Photoshop. Of. Palin. EVAR |
(250) |
| (Huffington Post)2008-09-11 |
|
[Politics]And today we celebrate yet again that most cherished milestone of the electoral process: The unveiling of this season's first whiny "won't get fooled again" editorial |
(54) |
| (Huffington Post)2008-09-11 |
|
[Politics]"While Rome Burned… They Talked About Lipstick." Yes, the whole country's on fire. Not that we're shooting for drama or anything here |
(130) |
| (Reuters)2008-09-09 |
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[Main]North Korea sent spies diguised as taekwondo masters to try to assassinate South Korea's president back in the 1980s. Don't they know you should never send a gup to do a ninja's job? |
(109) |
| (Yahoo)2008-09-09 |
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[Main]Before spending (hold pinky up to mouth) $53 MILLION on a penthouse apartment, don't you think you might want to actually look at it first? |
(108) |
| (Yahoo)2008-09-05 |
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[Main]The DNC was "a triumph of choreography." Translation: Spinal Tap's dwarves didn't accidentally knock over one of the Styrofoam columns |
(150) |
| (Some Guy)2008-09-04 |
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[Main]AP notes that the media is preparing to "pore over Palin's personal life." What have they been doing up till now — making up shiat? Oh, wait |
(1101) |
| (Rasmussen Reports)2008-09-03 |
 |
[Politics]Poll: Voters favor Hillary for president over Palin, 50 to 42 percent. Meaning Hillary wins among people who aren't actually running for president |
(40) |
| (Miami Herald)2008-09-02 |
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[Main]Since no one's paying attention to the GOP convention, Dave Barry sneaks out on the floor and nominates himself. With photo goodness |
(94) |
| (Gazette.com)2008-08-29 |
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[Main]You're a cop; you pull over a woman who is crying, bleeding, half-naked and who claims she was just raped. You C: Give her a ticket, tell her to slow down, and let her finish driving to the hospital alone |
(4) |
| (Fox News)2008-08-26 |
|
[Geek]Forget wind, solar or nuclear — the newest renewable energy source is bubble wrap. Wait, what? |
(25) |
| (Some Guy)2008-08-26 |
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[Main]Last week, McCain didn't know how many houses he owns. This week, Obama didn't know what city he was in |
(455) |
| (Yahoo)2008-08-25 |
|
[Main]National Enquirer's editor responds to those sneering at his coverage of the Edwards affair: "I'm rubber; you're glue." Difficulty: No, really. That's actually what he says |
(110) |
| (Yahoo)2008-08-25 |
|
[Politics]Remember that college prof in Colorado who called 9/11 victims "little Eichmanns"? Turns out his hobby is screaming at Fox news reporters |
(114) |
| (AP)2008-08-20 |
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[Politics]Six "real people" will get to speak at the DNC in Denver. With free airfare and lodging, coaching from professional tailors and speechwriters, and personal assistants assigned by the DNC, of course. Now that's real |
(59) |
| (Yahoo)2008-08-20 |
|
[Politics]The media notes that the media is in an orgiastic, jeans-creaming frenzy of speculation over Obama's VP pick. But this is because Obama's a genius, not because the media is biased |
(71) |
| (Some Guy)2008-08-18 |
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[Main]The only thing stranger than making balloon animal Jesuses is collecting photos of them |
(29) |
| (Wall Street Journal)2008-08-15 |
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[Business]Conventional wisdom: Corporate welfare. Reality: The US has the second highest corporate tax rate in the world |
(133)(+2) |
| (Prospect.org)2008-08-15 |
|
[Politics]If you vote for Obama, your penis is only as big as a tire gauge. If you vote for McCain, your penis is the size of a mighty oil rig — thrusting, PLUNGING into the ground. Difficulty: This guy is dead serious |
(48) |
| (The Hill)2008-08-14 |
|
[Politics]"Jesse Jackson's convention streak in doubt." He's way too old to be running around naked anyway |
(23) |
| (Yahoo)2008-08-13 |
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[Showbiz]Huffington Post writer identifies the only actress with any class today: Joan Allen. Oddly, there's no mention of her role in the upcoming "Death Race" |
(32) |
| (CBS4Denver – KCNC)2008-08-13 |
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[Main]Denver police build "Gitmo on the Platte": A warehouse full of cages and barbed wire to house arrested protesters at the Democratic Convention |
(278) |
| (Beijing 2008)2008-08-12 |
|
[Sports]Rarely is the question asked: If everyone fought for Olympics tickets, why are there so many empty seats? |
(36) |
| (Washington Times)2008-08-12 |
|
[Main]American Airlines supports the troops — for an extra $300 charge per duffel bag, that is |
(163) |
| (Reuters)2008-08-11 |
|
[Geek]Today's headline: Doctoral student trying to keep rattlesnakes from being run over in Canada. Tomorrow's headline: Doctoral student bit by ungrateful rattlesnake |
(22) |
| (Some Guy)2008-08-08 |
|
[Video]Shoplifter tripped by woman as he tries to flee. With video awesomeness (at 0:59) |
(58) |
| (Breitbart.com)2008-08-05 |
|
[Sports]Olympics drugs czar complains the Russians are "systematically doping," while everyone else has to settle for inhaling their carcinogens in Beijing |
(11) |
| (Huffington Post)2008-08-05 |
|
[Politics]Obama says to inflate your tires properly. McCain jokes about Obama. Therefore, anyone who doesn't buy a tire gauge today doesn't care about national security. Difficulty: No, really. That's really what they say here |
(96) |
| (Huffington Post)2008-08-05 |
|
[Politics]Huffington Post: "Women become suicide bombers because they can get just as batshiat crazy as men. Just kidding. Actually, it's all the United States' fault" |
(73) |
| (Yahoo)2008-08-05 |
|
[Politics]It's time for the whiny "The caucus is elitist and unfair" editorials. Next up: The whiny "let's get money out of politics" editorials and the even more whiny "won't get fooled again" editorials |
(57) |
| (CBS News)2008-08-04 |
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[Main]Obama's calling his plane "O-Force One." Funny — that's submitter's nickname for something, too |
(338) |
| (Some Guy)2008-08-01 |
|
[Politics]Gay activists threaten to show up at James Dobson's induction into the Radio Hall of Fame with FABULOUS protest signs |
(80) |
| (Some Guy)2008-08-01 |
|
[Main]Actual headline: "Master Bait & Tackle and Tiki Bar Cafe hit by burglars." Police react stiffly, saying a stroke or two of luck will help them find the money shot by the thieves |
(50) |
| (Some Guy)2008-08-01 |
|
[Geek]Some guy actually crunches the numbers and realizes Obama's right: Proper tire inflation could indeed save as much oil as we could get with new drilling. In a mere 11,308 years |
(173) |
| (Some Guy)2008-07-30 |
|
[Main]"Man hits bear on motorcycle." No word on whether the bear was wearing a helmet, but he did have a wooden leg named Smith |
(52) |
| (MSNBC)2008-07-29 |
|
[Main]Analysts believe that if Obama completes his march to the Oval Office, his backing will dissipate the first time he presses Europe to send more troops to Afghanistan or to support an aggressive U.S. military stance at odds with Europe |
(383) |
| (Yahoo)2008-07-28 |
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[Main]"7 Tips for Brian Williams for His Interview with Mahmoud Ahmadinejad." "Bring Kleenex to wipe off the spittle" and "ask for a review of his meds" strangely absent |
(137) |
| (CBS2Chicago.com)2008-07-24 |
|
[Business]Gas expected to drop to $3.50 a gallon by Labor Day. Quick: Someone blame Bush |
(94) |
| (Fox News)2008-07-24 |
|
[Geek]Star explodes and no one notices. No, this has nothing to do with "The View" |
(27) |
| (Some Guy)2008-07-23 |
|
[Showbiz]James Dobson inducted into Radio Hall of Fame, winning over Bob Costas, Dr. Laura and some nobody named Howard Stern |
(39) |
| (ABC)2008-07-21 |
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[Main]McCain challenges Obama to admit he was wrong about the Surge. Obama triple-dog dares McCain to stick his tongue on a cold flagpole |
(134) |
| (Politico)2008-07-21 |
|
[Politics]Al Gore would never resort to half-truths, hyperbole, hysterical fearmongering or shrill rhetoric. So when he says offshore drilling is just like invading Iraq, he must be on to some new inconvenient truth |
(90) |
| (Breitbart.com)2008-07-17 |
|
[Politics]Bill Clinton discovers to no one's surprise that he's just as happy to be an attention whore for Obama as he was for Hillary |
(32) |
| (Rolling Stone)2008-07-17 |
|
[Main]I'll see your offensive cartoon of McCain no one cared about and raise you another offensive cartoon of McCain no one will care about, this one featuring racially stereotyped caricatures to boot |
(201) |
| (Wall Street Journal)2008-07-17 |
|
[Politics]Either the New York Times has fired all its fact-checkers, or Obama's grandfather fought in the Russian Army in WWII. Take your pick |
(65) |
| (ABC)2008-07-17 |
|
[Main]Sen. Carl Levin wants to shut down some giant Swiss bank; makes no attempt to do anything about Mentos commercials |
(118) |
| (Some Guy)2008-07-15 |
|
[Geek]Cornell University identifies the two major crises facing the world. 1: Global climate change. 2: No one really know anything about how global climate works. Wait, what? |
(5) |
| (Salon)2008-07-15 |
|
[Politics]If you wondered how long it would take someone to blame the New Yorker cover satirizing Obama on Bush, the answer is two days |
(1) |
| (Globe and Mail)2008-07-15 |
|
[Main]Canada to US military deserters: Go home, eh. In fact, here's some handcuffs and a few police officers to escort you |
(409) |
| (Yahoo)2008-07-14 |
|
[Politics]Folks who are upset at Obama's telecom vote are urging people to vote for Ralph Nader instead. In related news, if you start saying "President McCain" to yourself now, it'll come naturally by November |
(159) |
| (Yahoo)2008-07-11 |
|
[Politics]Principal Skinner speaks: Just because Iran's president is batshiat insane, has bragged about acquiring nukes and is test-launching missiles doesn't mean there's anything to worry about |
(146) |
| (The Smoking Gun)2008-07-11 |
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[Main]I have a dream — that one day my children will fight like kindergartners over my estate |
(118) |
| (Huffington Post)2008-07-10 |
|
[Politics]Huffington Post helpfully explains that Obama isn't really shifting to the center. The problem is that he's so brilliant no one understands him, and besides, liberals are all insane. Difficulty: No, really |
(150) |
| (Some Guy)2008-07-09 |
|
[Main]Shed of the Year includes full bar with taps, TV, club chairs, fridges and a hammock. In related news, "Sheddies" designate an annual Shed of the Year |
(69) |
| (Wall Street Journal)2008-07-08 |
|
[Politics]Guess who started a prototype affirmative action program in his insurance company clear back in 1965 because he wanted "to do something to help the Negro race to recognize the opportunity that awaits it." Would you believe Jesse Helms? |
(67) |
| (Chicago Sun-Times)2008-07-07 |
|
[Politics]Jerry Garcia rises from the Dead to endorse Obama. Look for a Deadhead sticker on the presidential seal come November |
(60) |
| (Huffington Post)2008-07-03 |
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[Politics]Huffington Post: Some right-winger caught plagiarizing from a baby. In related news, babies can hold intellectual copyrights |
(35) |
| (Huffington Post)2008-06-24 |
|
[Politics]In case you were wondering, Obama never, EVER "flip-flops." He does change his mind on occasion. But only John McCain is a flip-flopper |
(171) |
| (Some Guy)2008-06-24 |
|
[Politics]Scorecard: When Obama's aides kick Muslim women out of a photo-op, it's an unfortunate mistake not reflecting the campaign. When McCain's aide says a terrorist attack would help McCain, it proves the entire GOP is morally bankrupt |
(204) |
| (AP)2008-06-22 |
|
[Main]Another tear-jerking, heart-wrenching account of how the economy is forcing people to make coffee at home instead of going to Starbucks and drop expensive gym memberships in lieu of jogging for free. The horror, the horror |
(357) |
| (Boston Globe)2008-06-19 |
|
[Main]Inmate wins lawsuit to get Vegan diet, saying regular diets are violent. Guess he got all the violence out of his system when he beat his 5-month-old son to death. Still no "World's Smallest Violin" tag |
(200) |
| (BBC)2008-06-18 |
|
[Politics]Britain's socialized medical system is about to go belly-up because all the old folks there are going insane. No word on a solution, although doctors seem to be renting "Soylent Green" a lot for some reason |
(7) |
| (Wall Street Journal)2008-06-18 |
|
[Politics]Obama meets with Iraqi foreign minister, assures him he won't pull out troops any time soon. In related news, Cindy Sheehan spotted pounding her head on a sidewalk |
(11) |
| (Some Guy)2008-06-18 |
|
[Main]Police have verified that the six feet found in Canada don't all belong to the same victim. Chief Wiggum does first-ever facepalm |
(23) |
| (Huffington Post)2008-06-18 |
|
[Main]David Weiner from Huffington Post does some hard-hitting investigative journalism and discovers Cindy McCain's cookie recipe is suspiciously similar to someone else's. Weiner |
(119) |
| (Boston Globe)2008-06-18 |
|
[Geek]The coolest pictures of Saturn and its moons you'll see today |
(42) |
| (The Smoking Gun)2008-06-16 |
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[Main]Today's "I got glued to a Home Depot toilet so I'm suing yer arse off" story comes to you from St. Louis. TSG is there |
(184) |
| (The Sun)2008-06-12 |
|
[Main]Letting your 5-year-old daughter give you a tattoo is wrong on so many levels. What kind of a parent–a skull and crossbones? Cool |
(87) |
| (CNN)2008-06-10 |
|
[Politics]Members of the press whine about getting a free plane ride; make some noise about being promised an interview with Obama, then being told Obama wasn't on board after the plane took off. Wussies |
(37) |
| (WorldNetDaily)2008-06-09 |
|
[Main]Dear Congress: If you don't get us more oil I will personally stomp each and every one of you headfirst into the ground in the Alaska National Wilflife Refuge. Love, Chuck Norris |
(423) |
| (The New York Times)2008-06-09 |
|
[Main]New York Times discovers that people who make less money spend a higher percentage of their income on gas. In related news, half of all Americans have a below-average income |
(4) |
| (Reuters)2008-06-03 |
|
[Politics]Hillary: "I'm sort of a day-at-a-time person." Not that we need a long-term thinker in the White House. In related news, Fleetwood Mac releases remix titled "Don't Start Thinkin' About Tomorrow" |
(45) |
| (Wall Street Journal)2008-06-03 |
|
[Politics]Obama Barack has released a one-page letter from his doctor. John McCain has released more than 1,000 pages of his medical records. Guess which candidate the New York Times is accusing of withholding information — go on, guess (third item) |
(205) |
| (Forbes)2008-05-23 |
|
[Main]Step 1. Get offered promotion. Step 2. Turn it down because you weigh 400 pounds, the new job involves travel and you're embarrassed to book double seats. Step 3. Cry discrimination. Step 4. Profit? |
(203) |
| (Wall Street Journal)2008-05-23 |
|
[Business]AP writer who has loudly, confidently and repeatedly announced we're in a recession now notes that it's kind of hard to tell when a recession ends |
(10) |
| (Huffington Post)2008-05-22 |
|
[Politics]Abbie Hoffman, 1968: "Let's hold hands and levitate the Pentagon–it'll stop the war." John Cusack, 2008: "Let's film Hillary Duff stuffing a scorpion down her pants–it'll stop the war" |
(68) |
| (Telegraph)2008-05-22 |
|
[Main]British guy's girlfriend is a Herbie the Love Bug replica named Vanilla. And he wants you to know that he's had sex with 1,000 cars, but he's not weird or anything. Vanilla offered no comment |
(95) |
| (Some Guy)2008-05-21 |
|
[Main]Canton, Ohio, vows to jail anyone growing grass. No, not the kind you smoke — the kind you mow and tell kids to get off of |
(258) |
| (Some Guy)2008-05-19 |
|
[Main]Sandwich Rehab Hospital Cuts Jobs." No condiment from hospital spokesperson. Patients reassigned to Mayo Clinic |
(66) |
| (Chicago Tribune)2008-05-16 |
|
[Politics]Chicago Tribune editor worries that Equine-Americans were offended about an article that compared Hillary Clinton to Eight Belles |
(30) |
| (Wall Street Journal)2008-05-16 |
|
[Politics]Not news: Someone's accusing Obama of being a Muslim. Fark: Someone writing an editorial for The New York Times, that is |
(115) |
| (CBS3.com)2008-05-16 |
|
[Main]Today's "insanely expensive sandwich getting free publicity from unnecessary media coverage" story comes to you from The City of Brotherly Love. Note to media: Expensive food is not newsworthy |
(103) |
| (Yahoo)2008-05-15 |
|
[Video]Bush has a hidden talent: His impression of Dr. Evil. With video goodn — well, with video |
(37) |
| (Yahoo)2008-05-13 |
|
[Main]By 2009, the army will be destroyed, Social Security will be bankrupt and global warming will kill us all. Worse, we'll have a permanent Democratic majority. The good news is you won't have to read stupid predictions of doom anymore |
(431) |
| (Yahoo)2008-05-13 |
|
[Geek]Thomas Friedman has "fading green bonafides." Translation: He had the audacity to notice that coal is somewhat less dangerous than antimatter |
(26) |
| (Philly.com)2008-05-09 |
|
[Politics]Al Gore will not accept a cabinet post, no matter who wins. Which is convenient, because no one has offered him one. In related news, Submitter will not accept $5 million, no matter who offers it |
(50) |
| (Yahoo)2008-05-08 |
|
[Main]Teddy Roosevelt was an idiot for naming the White House because that sounds too much like White Castle. Also says Dr. Seuss should have named it instead. Then the article gets a little weird |
(129) |
| (CBS News)2008-05-08 |
|
[Politics]Alec Baldwin thinking about running for office, says he's always really admired Fred Thompson, Sonny Bono and that Gopher guy from "Love Boat." Still no cure for Alec Baldwin |
(73) |
| (Breitbart.com)2008-05-05 |
|
[Sports]After enough sniveling by LeBron James, Papa John's apologizes for calling him a crybaby. Does ANYONE just play a sport anymore? |
(42) |
| (Yahoo)2008-05-04 |
|
[Politics]With all the noise about Miley Cyrus and Barack Obama, you might not have noticed John McCain talking about the good things the Mafia has done. Wait, what? |
(48) |
| (Guardian)2008-05-04 |
|
[Main]Some scientist you never heard of has figured out why there's a surge in shark attacks this year: Global warming |
(226) |
| (Breitbart.com)2008-05-02 |
|
[Politics]Campaign coverage has reached the phase where the media is running stories about whether the media is running too many stories. If only someone would write a book about this stuff |
(0) |
| (Washington Post)2008-05-01 |
|
[Main]Marti Tracy can't afford all organic food anymore. She can't buy expensive individual servings, either. And now she's being forced to–perish forfend–clip coupons. If you can read this without weeping you're not human |
(321) |
| (WTOP)2008-05-01 |
|
[Politics]Obama wants the FEC to investigate a pro-Hillary group. They can't, because the six-member committee has four vacancies. Which would be filled by now if Obama hadn't personally stonewalled the nominees |
(99) |
| (Reuters)2008-05-01 |
|
[Showbiz]Not news: Anti-Iraq war movies have bombed consistently. News: So of course Hollywood's making another one. Fark: Starring Hillary Duff |
(52) |
| (Some Guy)2008-04-30 |
|
[Politics]Michael Dukakis rises from the dead, says he knows everything there is to know about losing and Hillary will tank |
(20) |
| (Some Guy)2008-04-24 |
|
[Main]Old and busted: Students get suspended over swords. New hotness: They bought 18-inch LOTR replicas in London while 4,000 miles from school |
(80) |
| (Charleston.net)2008-04-23 |
|
[Main]Today's Unclear on the Concept Headline Award goes to: "Cinco de Mayo Set for May 2" |
(70) |
| (Breitbart.com)2008-04-22 |
|
[Main]FCC chief: "Leave the Internet alone." No word on whether he wants Britney left alone |
(74) |
| (Some Guy)2008-04-21 |
|
[Showbiz]Coming soon: "An Inconvenient Truth, Electric Car Boogaloo" |
(32) |
| (Wall Street Journal)2008-04-21 |
|
[Politics]Forty-one different "journalists" have independently decided it was totally unfair for Barack Obama to get some questions at the debate that weren't softballs |
(127) |
| (Some Guy)2008-04-21 |
|
[Politics]Michael Moore: "Can't vote — eating. OM NOM NOM NOM" |
(160) |
| (AP)2008-04-19 |
|
[Geek]"The solution to pollution is not eating spiders." Just in case you were wondering |
(20) |
| (Yahoo)2008-04-16 |
|
[Politics]Part 2 in a series: When a Democrat says something stupid, he's still correct but just chose his words poorly. When a Republican says something stupid, he's proving all Republicans are racist |
(311) |
| (Some Guy)2008-04-15 |
|
[Main]China follows up its demand for an apology from CNN by saying Nancy Pelosi is "disgusting." Even a broken clock is right twice a day |
(184) |
| (Yahoo)2008-04-15 |
|
[Main]China resents being called a bunch of goons, threatens to ship more poison dog food and toxic toys if CNN doesn't apologize |
(152) |
| (AP)2008-04-14 |
|
[Main]"'Girls Gone Wild' president cleared." Well, yeah, but Hillary was still pretty pissed |
(31) |
| (Yahoo)2008-04-14 |
|
[Politics]Let's tell it like it is. The ongoing question in this campaign is which candidate is going to make the next stupid comment |
(34) |
| (Yahoo)2008-04-14 |
|
[Main]Part 2 in a series: Huffington Post again explains that since small-town America really does consist of nothing but bigoted, inbred, drooling gun-nut religious whackos, Obama is a hero |
(692) |
| (Yahoo)2008-04-14 |
|
[Politics]New math: If a Republican says something critical about Democrats, he's revealing his bigotry. If it's the other way around, the Democrat had a good point but chose his words poorly |
(228) |
| (CSIndy.com)2008-04-14 |
|
[Main]The only thing scarier than finding some undetonated dynamite on a hike is being dumb enough to take it home and put it in your kitchen. Bonus: Graphic of 5,000-foot oil rig looming over defenseless town |
(51) |
| (Breitbart.tv)2008-04-13 |
|
[Video]Cheney’s plane blows media’s equipment away (with awesome video goodness) |
(19) |
| (Yahoo)2008-04-13 |
|
[Geek]Russia honors Laika, the dog who was the first living being sent into space. Also the first to die in space, but they aren't celebrating that part |
(57) |
| (Some Guy)2008-04-13 |
|
[Politics]Alec Baldwin explains why it would be good to elect Obama: Because then he could appoint Hillary to the Supreme Court. Still no cure for Alec Baldwin |
(56) |
| (Yahoo)2008-04-13 |
|
[Politics]Huffington Post insists Obama shouldn't be punished for calling small-town America a bunch of racist, homophobe gun nuts. Because they are. So there |
(328) |
| (Wall Street Journal)2008-04-12 |
|
[Politics]The NAACP decides to help Obama by inviting Jeremiah Wright to be the keynote speaker at their next convention |
(78) |
| (Yahoo)2008-04-09 |
|
[Politics]Huffington Post correspondent shocked–SHOCKED–to discover that US politicians use the Autopen. A lot |
(32) |
| (Some Guy)2008-04-07 |
|
[Politics]Governor Jon Corzine (D-Huff Post) loudly and angrily insists he is not — repeat NOT — going to stop supporting Hillary. Translation: He'll be an Obama supporter by the end of this week |
(21) |
| (WCBS 880)2008-04-03 |
|
[Main]Today's "I Smell a Lawsuit" story comes from New York, where kids brought toothpaste-filled Oreos to school for an April Fools prank, and someone's precious snowflake got sick after eating three of them |
(181) |
| (Some Guy)2008-04-03 |
|
[Politics]And the winner of this week's pick for Democratic scapegoat to explain why they're going to lose big in November: Bloggers |
(38) |
| (NYPost)2008-04-03 |
|
[Politics]Hillary announces that Obama cannot win. Well, that's all folks. Drive home safely; thanks for coming |
(107) |
| (Yahoo)2008-04-02 |
|
[Politics]Liberal bloggers accuse the media of being too fixated on McCain. Media pauses while drawing picture of Obama in its locker and all over its notebooks, says "McCain who?" |
(121) |
| (Yahoo)2008-04-01 |
|
[Main]Ah, the beach: The sun, the surf, building sandcastles, finding a woman's severed head in a plastic bag. Good times, good times |
(115) |
| (Washington Post)2008-03-31 |
|
[Main]Someone forgot to send The Wall Street Journal the memo about newspapers being in financial crisis |
(38) |
| (AP)2008-03-29 |
|
[Politics]Hillary announces that she'll quit her doomed campaign when they pry it from her cold, dead hands |
(67) |
| (Washington Post)2008-03-28 |
|
[Main]Washington Post: "Just because something has appeared in a newspaper does not mean that is entirely accurate" |
(48) |
| (Reuters)2008-03-26 |
|
[Politics]From the Endorsement You Don't Want Department: Hugo Chavez says he'll back whichever Dem wins the nomination. Unlikely Tag Dept.: He also says if McCain wins, relations with the US will "only get worse" |
(160) |
| (Some Guy)2008-03-25 |
|
[Politics]Rep. Michael R. DesRoches (D., N.H., No-Show) resigns after 16 months in Congress in which he never showed up on Capitol Hill and never cast a vote. We need about 584 more just like him |
(38) |
| (NBC4.com)2008-03-25 |
|
[Main]While waiting for SCOTUS' ruling on the D.C. gun ban, D.C. police while away the time by asking all law-abiding citizens to submit to voluntary searches for firearms. Resistance is futile, citizens |
(254) |
| (WFTV)2008-03-21 |
|
[Main]Any frat boy can trash a hotel room during spring break. It takes a special kind of asshat to dynamite the room's balcony |
(136) |
| (Reuters)2008-03-19 |
|
[Geek]Not news: Police pull over a truck full o'drugs. News: It's also got a smokescreen device, spike sprayer, bulletproof armor and enough firepower for WW III. Or the next James Bond movie |
(22) |
| (Slate)2008-03-19 |
|
[Main]Slate dares ask the question uppermost in all our minds: When did Chester the Cheetah get so creepy? |
(136) |
| (AFP)2008-03-18 |
|
[Main]Not news: "Model prisoner" allowed to go on unsupervised visit. News: To visit the pope. Fark: He disappeared and is still at large |
(16) |
| (Breitbart.tv)2008-03-17 |
|
[Main]Actual headline: "Local Not Too Happy About Two Dozen Sex Offenders Living in Nearby Hotel." In related news, pitchforks, rope and kerosene just went on sale at the hardware store across the street |
(72) |
| (Yahoo)2008-03-14 |
|
[Politics]Huff Post writer: "Bush is an arrogant douchbag to say invading Iraq was the right thing to do, and the fact that it actually seems to be working is irrelevant" |
(197) |
| (Yahoo)2008-03-14 |
|
[Politics]Huffington Post: Boxing is not as popular as it used to be, which is why Hillary's waging a dirty campaign and political writers are usually older than sports writers. Or something like that |
(12) |
| (AFP)2008-03-14 |
|
[Main]Man who stashed his life savings in a haystack is shocked to discover that, when hungry, rats will eat money |
(60) |
| (Yahoo)2008-03-14 |
|
[Politics]The AFL-CIO researched McCain's record on "working family issues" and is not happy. In related news, "working family issues" is the new way to say "politicians that are owned by unions" |
(93) |
| (Breitbart.com)2008-03-13 |
|
[Geek]"Discoveries of surgically perforated ancient skulls are uncommon in Greece." Because we're just tripping over heaps of them here in the U.S. |
(20) |
| (Yahoo)2008-03-12 |
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[Main]Weird: Vegas man paints his car to match a police cruiser, including insignia and lights. Fark: It's perfectly legal |
(98) |
| (Wired)2008-03-12 |
|
[Main]"The researchers didn't test on a live pacemaker wearer. Instead they put the target device into a bag of meat, which is much the same thing." In related news, never go grocery shopping with a scientist |
(84) |
| (Breitbart.com)2008-03-11 |
|
[Main]Man steps on grape at grocery store; sues for injury. YOU GONNA GET GRAPED |
(62) |
| (AFP)2008-03-10 |
|
[Main]Wild elephants block Sri Lankan polls. Democrats seen taking notes for future excuses, lawsuits |
(56) |
| (SFGate)2008-03-08 |
|
[Politics]Teachers' unions are delighted that California cracked down on homeschooling. Because they care about nothing more than tenure–I mean, the children |
(172) |
| (Breitbart.com)2008-03-06 |
|
[Main]As it does every year at this time, the media finds itself flabbergasted, shocked and awed to discover a brewery making a few batches of green beer |
(47) |
| (Yahoo)2008-03-04 |
|
[Politics]Huffington Post: Don't listen to all that silly talk about the press being orgasmic over Obama — they're actually heavily biased toward Hillary. In related news, let us reiterate that there is no such thing as media bias |
(102) |
| (WHKY.com)2008-03-04 |
|
[Main]I'll see your "political argument gets all stabby" article and raise you a "political argument gets all baseball batty" article, plus mugshot goodness |
(32) |
| (Yahoo)2008-03-03 |
|
[Main]Your tax dollars hard at work: FDA warns people not to swallow inhalers |
(50) |
| (Breitbart.com)2008-03-03 |
|
[Showbiz]Simon Cowell is so upset and embarrassed about being offered $1 million to do a Viagra ad, he's telling everyone in the whole world about it |
(13) |
| (Prankies.com)2008-03-02 |
|
[Video]Skater vs Garage Door. Hint: Put your money on the garage door (NSFW ads at site) |
(24) |
| (Some Guy)2008-02-28 |
|
[Main]After the rousing success of their sex scandal about McCain, MSM is now pretending he's not eligible to be president because he was born in Panama |
(188) |
| (Breitbart.com)2008-02-27 |
|
[Main]Faced with a shortage of managers, hotel chain conducts "speed recruiting" drive featuring three-minute interviews. What could possibly go wrong? |
(35) |
| (Breitbart.tv)2008-02-27 |
|
[Main]You're a mom whose child is complaining his teacher is mean. You C) Bug your kid's backpack and record the teacher saying "You are all stupid kids" |
(186) |
| (Wall Street Journal)2008-02-27 |
|
[Politics]According to Obama a "patriotic" company is one that pays lots and lots of taxes, is friendly to Big Labor and unions and pays all employee health costs. Oh goody |
(191) |
| (Mercury News)2008-02-26 |
|
[Music]Father of Christian rock, Larry Norman, dead at 60. No longer visiting this planet |
(30) |
| (Some Guy)2008-02-26 |
|
[Main]Today's incoherent headline: "Clouds made yesterday meant chill stuck aroundly." Move zig for great justice |
(83) |
| (Wall Street Journal)2008-02-26 |
|
[Main]Nader can't run for the Green Party this year; they've already selected a less embarrassing candidate with a better chance of winning: Good old Cynthia "I Hate Jews" McKopslapper |
(259) |
| (Yahoo)2008-02-25 |
|
[Main]Media admits it never runs anything negative about Obama, but promises they're looking real hard for the tiniest imperfection and if they ever find it, they'll nail him |
(306) |
| (Yahoo)2008-02-25 |
|
[Main]Problem: Lots of riots and barfights in Berlin. Solution: Buy shoes for the police dogs |
(31) |
| (Metacafe)2008-02-24 |
|
[Video]From living room to inferno in under two minutes. With video terrifyingness |
(36) |
| (AFP)2008-02-24 |
|
[Main]1. Join South Korean army. 2. Get so stressed out you go bald. 3. Demand government compensation. 4. Profit, big time |
(28) |
| (Some Guy)2008-02-23 |
|
[Showbiz]Mink eyelashes, cleavage buffing, underarm Botox – how the stars are preparing for the Oscars |
(19) |
| (Yahoo)2008-02-23 |
|
[Main]If it weren't for YouTube, a man wearing a little black dress and a pearl necklace would be unlikely to get a question in for the leader of the Spanish opposition. No one expects the Spanish Opposition |
(32) |
| (Wall Street Journal)2008-02-21 |
|
[Politics]The New Republic: "The New York Times' sex scandal story about McCain is nothing more than smears, innuendoes and lies. And we're proud that we forced them to publish it." |
(84) |
| (Breitbart.tv)2008-02-21 |
|
[Main]It's bad enough the Kosovo protesters torched the US embassy, but did they have to moon the news cameras? NSFW |
(80) |
| (Yahoo)2008-02-21 |
|
[Main]Huffington Post journalist meekly points out that Obama might not be perfect. Enraged mob en route with torches, pitchforks |
(860) |
| (Wall Street Journal)2008-02-21 |
|
[Politics]Problem: You're a judge trying to force a reporter to divulge sources, but you can't throw her in jail. Solution: Fine her $45,000 and forbid anyone to help pay it. Nothing to see here, citizens |
(58) |
| (Some Guy)2008-02-20 |
|
[Showbiz]Jessica Alba photoshoot recreates a bunch of classic horror movie moments, thankfully not including Monster's Ball sex scene |
(0) |
| (Yahoo)2008-02-19 |
|
[Politics]Huffington Post doesn't mind if Obama steals from other's speeches — they're upset that he's "reading from a script." Because everyone knows politicians speak totally off the cuff, with no notes or anything |
(38) |
| (Yahoo)2008-02-19 |
|
[Showbiz]Autism group demands apology from CBS, underwear from K-Mart |
(38) |
| (Yahoo)2008-02-17 |
|
[Main]If you think pennies are worthless, Walter Husak, who just auctioned of 301 antique pennies for $10.7 million, would like to have a word with you |
(67) |
| (Some Guy)2008-02-18 |
|
[Main]Colordao parenst happy about new bill reqiuring shcools to test for dyselxia |
(107) |
| (AFP)2008-02-17 |
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[Main]A little watermelon meat or soap bubbles for dinner? |
(19) |
| (Breitbart.com)2008-02-15 |
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[Main]Bosnian drunk driver tested, found to be driving at–we interrupt this bulletin to advise you to sit down and put your head between your knees–0.06, or 20 times the legal limit |
(113) |
| (Reuters)2008-02-15 |
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[Main]One man's terrorist is another man's presidential candidate: Reuters prints "Osama" instead of "Obama." Three times. In one article |
(103) |
| (Yahoo)2008-02-13 |
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[Main]The Huffington Post knows how to solve overpopulation, global warming and world hunger all at once: We should all start eating grubs, larvae, roadkill and weeds. Bonus: No, really. They're serious |
(167) |
| (Breitbart.com)2008-02-12 |
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[Main]Driver gets stuck in ditch across the street from a gym. 10 bodybuilders lift his car out of ditch, grunt, scream and slam it back down on the pavement. Energy drinks for all |
(107) |
| (AFP)2008-02-12 |
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[Main]Indian flight attendant fired over enormous handlebar moustache (with pic). Yes, it's a guy. Paul Teutel, Sr. enroute with his size 12s |
(53) |
| (Wall Street Journal)2008-02-08 |
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[Politics]Division and disunity were the GOP watchwords in 2008. But the party with the meat cleaver down its middle is in fact the Democrats |
(26) |
| (Omaha World Herald)2008-02-07 |
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[Main]Ted Turner says he doesn't want to buy all the land in the contiguous United States — just everything that touches the 1,960,000 acres he already owns |
(79) |
| (NBC 11)2008-02-07 |
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[Main]Berkeley: "We are dead set against having military offices here." US Senate: "Enough to lose all your federal funding?" Berkeley: "What are you talking about? We support the troops and we always have" |
(394) |
| (Breitbart.com)2008-02-07 |
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[Main]Actual headline: "Russians open up new front in British-German sunbed war." In related news, there is a British-German sunbed war |
(49) |
| (Some Guy)2008-02-06 |
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[Main]"Suspect Dies Following Scuffle." So remember, kids: Never follow a scuffle |
(44) |
| (ABC)2008-02-06 |
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[Main]"Oprah Resolves Voting Machine Glitches." Is there anything Oprah can't do? |
(77) |
| (Some Guy)2008-02-04 |
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[Main]College bans blood drives as "discriminatory" because they screen for HIV. Surprisingly, it's not Berkeley |
(348) |
| (Yahoo)2008-02-04 |
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[Main]The story: After four straight years of growth, employment figures dipped slightly last month. The headline: "EMPLOYMENT DROPS IN PINK SLIP BLIZZARD." In related news, Pink Slip Blizzard would be a great band name |
(99) |
| (Breitbart.com)2008-02-04 |
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[Main]Cambodian parents not worried that their seven-year-old son sleeps with a 16-foot, 100-pound snake. Gary Larson en route with intellectual-property-theft lawsuit |
(74) |
| (Some Guy)2008-01-31 |
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[Politics]Edwards' backers know why he had to drop out of the race: It's just too hard for a rich white man to break into politics |
(20) |
| (Wall Street Journal)2008-01-30 |
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[Politics]"Five months after Democratic candidates agreed Florida and Michigan wouldn't get delegates to the convention, Hillary Clinton now says they should — a reversal that would benefit her now that she has won both states" |
(8) |
| (Reuters)2008-01-30 |
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[Geek]The hype: AIDS is a US epidemic and we're not doing enough to fight it. The reality: Less than 1 percent of people in the US are HIV-positive |
(30) |
| (Fox News)2008-01-29 |
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[Main]Runaway lettuce truck leafs road and crashes into house, killing driver. The house's occupants can romaine, but the truck is chard |
(81) |
| (Boston Globe)2008-01-29 |
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[Politics]Don't you hate it when you're riding a bus that keeps crashing and killing people, so you get a new driver but the new driver does the same thing? Welcome to the presidential election |
(29) |
| (Boston Globe)2008-01-29 |
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[Main]Parade float to commemorate Holocaust with a big pile of fake dead bodies. What could possibly go wrong? |
(128) |
| (Breitbart.com)2008-01-25 |
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[Main]Strategies You'll Never See on "Perry Mason," No. 387: "My client's genitals are so small he'd be too embarrassed to be a flasher" |
(38) |
| (JPost.com)2008-01-24 |
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[Main]Hamas stages "blackouts" and holds press conferences by candlelight. Problem: "Some journalists noticed the candles weren't necessary because it was daytime." SOME journalists noticed it was daytime? |
(283) |
| (Wall Street Journal)2008-01-24 |
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[Politics]Washington Post, 2005: "We apologize for publishing a politically biased, inaccurate study by the National Priorities Project." 2007: "ZOMG–the National Priorities Project says the Army is falling apart" |
(25) |
| (Some Guy)2008-01-23 |
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[Business]With all the talk about how to stimulate it, you'd think that the economy is a giant clitoris |
(90) |
| (The Smoking Gun)2008-01-22 |
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[Main]New online first-person shooter game lets you shoot paintballs at presidential candidates. The Smoking Gun is there |
(71) |
| (Yahoo)2008-01-21 |
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[Politics]Homeless vet recalls happier times in Iraq, like getting drunk on duty with vodak his mom sent him disguised as Scope. His homelessness is Bush's fault, of course |
(58) |
| (Breitbart.tv)2008-01-21 |
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[Sports]Not news: Die-hard Patriots fan gets a tattoo of a Patriots helmet. Skipping right past News, Fark and Totalfark to Ultrafark: A full-sized helmet tattooed on his head. With video goodness |
(6) |
| (Breitbart.com)2008-01-21 |
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[Main]Eight hospitalized after eating "questionable muffins," aka "loaded with cannabis." In related news, The Questionable Muffins would be a great band name |
(6) |
| (Some Guy)2008-01-20 |
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[Geek]Alec Baldwin, professional scientist person, explains why the FDA was wrong to allow cloned beef. Still no cure for Alec Baldwin |
(38) |
| (Yahoo)2008-01-18 |
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[Main]Today's incoherent headline award goes to: "Buffalo disease, Naples trash sour mozzarella sales." Somebody set us up the bomb |
(44) |
| (Wall Street Journal)2008-01-18 |
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[Politics]Now that we're fifteen days into the primary season, here's the media's coverage in a nutshell: "Are we there yet?" |
(29) |
| (Wall Street Journal)2008-01-17 |
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[Politics]Democrats, last week: "Asking for ID will disenfranchise voters." This week: "Let's sue to make it harder for the casino union workers in Nevada to vote." |
(156) |
| (Politico.com)2008-01-17 |
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[Politics]Obama fondly recalls a great president who gave America hope again; who changed the country in a positive way; a man he aspires to be: Ronald Reagan. Wait, what? |
(102) |
| (Yahoo)2008-01-16 |
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[Showbiz]The Academy's top picks are less and less likely to be box-office hits as well, but that's because most Americans aren't as smart about real life as people in Hollywood are |
(41) |
| (Yahoo)2008-01-16 |
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[Politics]Huffington Post has run articles comparing Obama and/or Hillary to JFK, RFK and MLK every day for the past two weeks. WTFK could possibly go wrong? |
(62) |
| (Wall Street Journal)2008-01-15 |
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[Politics]Democrats decide deficits aren't so bad after all. As Hillary put it: "Stimulus shouldn't be paid for." Bill seen sweating, tugging at his collar |
(96) |
| (MSNBC)2008-01-14 |
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[Politics]Hillary: "I'd just like to point out for the millionth time that Obama is black and I'm a girl; but I must stress that it just doesn't matter that I'm a girl and Obama is black" |
(143) |
| (Gazette.com)2008-01-14 |
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[Main]Hot wings place in Colorado hires a guy to stand outside in a chicken suit; city forces owner to have the guy in the chicken suit hold a flag to "maintan the town's mountain grandeur." With snowy chicken-suited photo goodness |
(171) |
| (Variety.com)2008-01-14 |
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[Showbiz]Legendary publicist fears Hollywood's end is near, prompting a huge yawn of panic from the 99.999999 percent of us who live in the real world |
(30) |
| (tylerpaper.com)2008-01-11 |
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[Main]PETA doesn't much care that a guy killed and ate his girlfriend, but now they're asking the jail to give him a vegetarian diet so he won't be doing any "senseless killing" |
(237) |
| (Yahoo)2008-01-08 |
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[Politics]Don't drink the “Barack Obama is the best thing since sliced bread how did we ever exist as a nation without him this is our last chance to elect a black president so we better support him see I told you racism is dead” Kool Aid |
(196) |
| (Yahoo)2008-01-08 |
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[Politics]Dear Huffington Post: If you compare Obama to JFK, RFK and MLK all in the same article, we get the message that you like him. Up next: Ghandi, Mother Teresa, Santa Claus and Jesus Christ |
(39) |
| (Wall Street Journal)2008-01-07 |
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[Main]Obvious: Congress sends Bush a $516 billion spending bill with 8,993 earmarks. Not so much: They skipped some steps in the budget process, meaning Bush could cut all the pork out if he wants without a line-item veto |
(215) |
| (Washington Post)2008-01-07 |
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[Politics]Maybe the way Hillary's going to get universal health care passed is by boring everyone in the nation into a coma. With video goodneszzzzzzzz |
(8) |
| (Politico.com)2008-01-07 |
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[Politics]Bill pulls a Rudy; answers a call from Hillary during a speech. Of course, everyone knows it's fake, but thinks it's cute anyway, since it's Slick Willy |
(25) |
| (Some Guy)2008-01-06 |
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[Showbiz]New tell-all book about Tom Cruise says Scientology has taken over his life completely. To prove the author wrong, Cruise is suing for $100 million, which certainly ought to discourage anyone from reading it |
(48) |
| (London Times)2008-01-06 |
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[Showbiz]George Clooney threatening to boycott the Oscars, prompting a huge yawn of outrage from the rest of the world |
(35) |
| (Yahoo)2008-01-04 |
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[Main]Actual headline: "NASA hopes to launch space shuttle launch this month." This announcement sponsored by the Department of Redundancy Department |
(0) |
| (Wall Street Journal)2008-01-04 |
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[Politics]One of the very few people who predicted Howard Dean would come in third in Iowa in 2004 is the same person who predicted Hillary would come in third yesterday: Every Democrat's favorite political writer, Robert Novak |
(41) |
| (Some Guy)2008-01-03 |
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[Main]Mosque workers in Dharapuram shocked to discover someone threw a piece of pork into the mosque during the night. Bonus: The incident prompted police to "beef up security" |
(85) |
| (AFP)2008-01-03 |
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[Main]You're a South African BMW owner who finds a whole family of Cape Hyrax living under your hood. Do you: C. Drive across town at high speed to the dealership and abandon the car there with no explanation? |
(94) |
| (Breitbart.com)2008-01-02 |
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[Main]Fire chief says he's responded to a lot of strange calls, but this was the first time he had to help a 75-year-old guy who was thrown, then mauled, while attempting to ride his pet buffalo |
(20) |
| (Breitbart.com)2008-01-01 |
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[Main]An online poll shows growing support for Bhutto's son. Is this because 1) He's motivated due to the loss of his mother? 2) He's qualified due to his Oxford education, or 3) He's hot, OMG he's so HOT111eleventy |
(133) |