2021 Fark Greenlights

(MySpace)
2021-12-30
  [Entertainment] Motörhead road crew gets tattoos using Lemmy's ashes. In related news, MYSPACE IS STILL A THING?
(9)
(NBC Washington)
2021-12-30
  [Main] "Maryland Mom, 4 Children Found Safe." No word on what was in the safe
(22)
(WLBT Jackson)
2021-12-29
  [Main] Mississippians Miss Miss Mississippi
(42)
(Some Guy)
2021-12-24
  [Food] You know how when you go to a diner or deli, the omelettes or scrambled eggs are all pretty and fluffy? How do they do that? Simple: By summoning demons
(56)
(NPR)
2021-12-09
  [Main] Caption contest: What's the raccoon on the right whispering to the other raccoon?
(58)
(YouTube)
2021-12-03
  [Entertainment] It's time for my most beloved personal holiday tradition: A complete and accurate transcript of Ralphie's old man's cursing at his furnace from "A Christmas Story":
(52)
(Fox 5 New York)
2021-11-24
  [Main] Bad guy slugs woman, tries to grab her purse. Now he's in jail, where hopefully everyone sees this video of the woman's 9-year-old daughter punching him in the face repeatedly until he runs away with her chasing him for five blocks
(47)
(Some Guy)
2021-11-05
  [D’awww] Puppies in shopping carts. That sound you just heard was thousands of people saying "Aaaawww"
(10)
(YouTube)
2021-10-26
  [Main] Ever wonder what Kermit the Frog does when he gets off work? Mildly NSFW
(43)
(FB Photos)
2021-10-25
  [Discussion] Ruin a band name by combining it with a food name, e.g. "Fleetwood Mac & Cheese"
(326)
(Some Guy)
2021-10-24
  [D’awww] Adorable baby animals, deslidified. Come for the adorable vampire deer; stay for the adorable b-wait a sec: VAMPIRE deer?
(19)
(Buzzfeed)
2021-10-10
  [Discussion] People sharing things that get harder as you get older. Submitter just turned 59, and he can attest that at least one thing gets softer as he gets older
(26)
(YouTube)
2021-10-08
  [D’awww] Funny moose videos: Come for the baby moose playing in a sprinkler, stay for the moose playing basket ball and the white moose playing with a lawn mower
(7)
(YouTube)
2021-10-02
  [Entertainment] What if Bob Marley sang Star-Spangled banner? How about Rush? Or Elvis? Or Guns 'n Roses?
(25)
(YouTube)
2021-10-01
  [Entertainment] Narrator: "The lone gunman walked wearily into the saloon." Lone Gunman: "Who's sayin' that stuff?" Narrator: "He scanned the room with a suspicious eye." Lone Gunman: "Please stop sayin' that. I just wanna get a shot of whiskey" (NSFW language)
(42)
(Bored Panda)
2021-09-29
  [Main] Fifty photos of stuff you've never seen before: Come for the stoner bird blowing smoke rings, stay for horses on a plane and antique crinkle-crankle walls
(29)
(Some Guy)
2021-09-25
  [Main] Photoshop this fact checker
(17)
(Medical Xpress)
2021-09-21
  [STEM] Scientists discover reactive neuroinflammatory astrocyte subtypes in mouse brains. In other news, Reactive Neuroinflammatory Astrocyte Subtypes is the name of my King Crimson tribute band
(8)
(FB Photos)
2021-09-21
  [Main] Photoshop these buttons
(16)
(Zillow)
2021-09-15
  [Main] If you have a spare $8 million laying around, you can buy the Marlboro Man's house in Colorado Springs
(75)
(Men's Health)
2021-09-13
  [Main] It's Oscar Mayer, not Oscar Meyer, plus 39 other examples of Mandela Effect. How does anyone misspell Oscar Mayer when that kid in the commercial spells it?
(149)
(KHOU Houston)
2021-09-07
  [Main] I'll see your Woman Finds Python in Her Toilet article and raise you a HVAC Technician Cornered Inside a Vent by a 6-Foot Rattlesnake
(23)
(YouTube)
2021-09-02
  [Entertainment] I have no idea what you're talking about, so here's Led Zeppelin's "Immigrant Song" karaoked by a rubber chicken
(15)
(YouTube)
2021-08-31
  [Entertainment] Led Zeppelin's "Black Dog," as covered by… wait, Miley Cyrus? Talk about a confusing boner
(77)
(FB Photos)
2021-08-31
  [Main] It's called fashion: Photoshop it
(18)
(Some Guy)
2021-08-29
  [Food] Introducing Kentucky 74: an excellent alcohol-free bourbon you caWHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?
(19)
(Some Guy)
2021-08-29
  [Main] 50 photos that look Photoshopped, but aren't: Come for the peacock having an out-of-body experience; stay for the invisible car, Satan attacking the New York Yankees, and the hermit crab with a human skull
(35)
(Reference.com)
2021-08-28
  [Main] Something Old, Something New, Something Borrowed, Something Blue, The Flower Girl's Vomit on Your Shoe
(13)
(YouTube)
2021-08-27
  [STEM] Twister, Mousetrap, Candy Land, Pokemon, Scrabble, Sorry, Monopoly, Clue, Settlers of Catan, golf, Angry Birds, Minecraft, Galaga, Operation, Life, chess, Jenga, Call of Duty, basketball, Mario Brothers, bowling, Tetris, Pac-Man, and 245,732 dominoes
(10)
(YouTube)
2021-08-26
  [Main] Inside the Wienermobile
(37)
(TrendChaser)
2021-08-21
  [Entertainment] In related news, Bill Murray and Richard Dreyfuss co-starred in "Jaws"
(57)
(Page Six)
2021-08-17
  [Entertainment] Drake bravely speaks up about the COVID-related issue most people are afraid to discuss: COVID wreaked havoc on his hairline
(21)
(YouTube)
2021-08-13
  [Entertainment] ABBA's last music video. This is actually pretty cool
(29)
(We Are Central PA)
2021-08-11
  [Main] Protip: Once you've purchased your heroin, drive home with your four kids, make sure everyone's in the house, THEN pass out
(26)
(Yahoo)
2021-08-11
  [Main] Tom Hanks' son Chet posts antivaxxer rant on Instagram, putting all 36 of his followers in jeopardy
(143)
(WSET)
2021-08-11
  [Main] Drunk man invades shark's home and pees in shark's living room.The shark expressed his displeasure as only sharks can
(39)
(Some Guy)
2021-08-08
  [D’awww] A business of ferrets, a bloat of Hippopotami, a scurry of squirrels, a clowder of cats: Pick your favorite collective noun of animals
(97)
(The Daily Beast)
2021-08-04
  [Entertainment] TI arrested in Amsterdam; says he couldn't understand the cop: "I ain't know he was police, you know'm saying? He knocked the rearview mirror off his car and said 'You're arrested.' Like all right, I guess." Cop says he couldn't understand TI either
(30)
(CBS 21 Harrisburg)
2021-07-05
  [Main] If you just murdered your girlfriend, trying to sell her car with her corpse in the back seat is pretty crazy
(90)
(YouTube)
2021-06-28
  [Entertainment] You've always wanted to hear Sam Elliott read Lady Gaga lyrics, haven't you? Of course you have
(13)
(YouTube)
2021-06-28
  [Entertainment] I'll see your drummer going insane while playing Sharp-Dressed Man and raise you a drummer going far more insane playing Peppermint Twist (best part starts at 2:15)
(26)
(WBTV 3 Charlotte)
2021-06-20
  [Main] Charlotte man jumped into a lake to retrieve a shirt or something that blew off his boat. At least his relatives can put the shirt on him for his funeral. In related news, Fark could use a North Carolina tag
(69)
(Some Guy)
2021-06-17
  [Main] This story has it all: Nuns, two priests named Father Ax and Father Santa, roofies, The Incredible Hulk, R-rated T-shirts, Frank Zappa, Jethro Tull, and beer (mildly NSFW)
(20)
(CBC)
2021-06-16
  [STEM] CBC editor shuts off Facebook comments, releases statement saying "WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE? GO ENJOY YOUR WEEKEND"
(26)
(Imgur)
2021-06-17
  [Main] Photoshop this roadrunner chilling with his friends
(10)
(FB Photos)
2021-06-14
  [D’awww] ♫ If you're sawin' logs and Roadrunner goes BEEP BEEP ♫ Just roll over and go on back to sleep ♫ Poor little Roadrunner doesn't wanna run away ♫ Even coyotes would rather just cuddle all day ♫
(5)
(YouTube)
2021-06-09
  [Fandom] 1993's Jurassic Park dinosaurs, with their primitive CGI and practical effects, is still better than all the sequels that followed it. Why? Short answer: Steven Spielberg. Long answer: Click the link
(25)
(Imgur)
2021-06-09
  [STEM] Q: How far away from a nuclear explosion would be safe? A: Six feet. What idiot would say this? Would you believe a US government agency? Bonus: Also discusses surviving a nuke in a fridge, plus whether you can outrun a nuclear explosion
(30)
(YouTube)
2021-06-07
  [Entertainment] Tommy Smothers' Johnny Carson impression. He does Carson better than Carson does Carson
(46)
(Google)
2021-05-30
  [Entertainment] Google "The Fresh Prince of Bel Air." Click the license plate at the top left. At some point click the back link on your browser. You're welcome
(34)
(The Scottish Sun)
2021-05-29
  [Main] The story: Passengers panic on a Delhi-to-US flight: a bat is flying around in the cabin, and they have to turn back to Delhi. The headline: Bat Out of Del. Tag is for whoever wrote the headline
(69)
(Stupid Politics)
2021-05-23
  [Politics] Boko Haram leader Abubakar Shekau killed, for the fifth time: Suspicious Nigerian authorities investigating. Submit your very own Whiter Shade of Pale / "He says he's not dead yet" / Abe Vigoda deathwatch / Nigerian prince mashup to the right
(39)
(Wikipedia)
2021-05-13
  [Discussion] As Titanic sank, classical musicians played "Nearer My God to Thee." If Titanic happened today, who would play and what songs would they play?
(35)
(Huffington Post)
2021-05-11
  [Main] You're fishing when a gator shows up and chases you. Do you A. Run away? B. Climb a tree? of C. Back away while you shoot video of the gator, trip and fall, run TOWARDS the gator, then follow it back toward the water, saying "Hey buddy, c'mere"?
(20)
(Colorado Springs Gazette)
2021-05-11
  [Politics] The Vatican tells US bishops to think about a possible plan to form a committee to draw up a proposal to engage a focus group to discuss an RFP for an action plan to outline a memo detailing some talking points in pursuit of something important
(24)
(Colorado Springs Gazette)
2021-05-11
  [Entertainment] Tom Cruise returns his Golden Globe awards and NBC announce it won't air the Golden Globe awards in 2022, provoking a huge yawn of outrage from those of us stuck out here in the real world
(17)
(USA Today)
2021-04-29
  [Entertainment] Justin Bieber's getting slammed for wearing dreadlocks, being Justin Bieber
(43)
(KATV Little Rock)
2021-04-16
  [Main] If you want to get your cat neutered, make sure your veterinarian has the official I Can Tell the Difference Between Ears and Genitals seal of approval
(25)
(YouTube)
2021-04-06
  [Main] What would happen to you if you drank 2 liters of a fiber supplement at once? Other than being awarded the Dumbass tag, that is?
(80)
(Some Guy)
2021-03-20
  [Politics] Nancy Pelosi doesn't care about Jewish Space Lasers. In related news, you can buy your very own Jewish Space Laser Activation Panel. No, really
(57)
(Some Guy)
2021-03-16
  [Main] HOA orders resident to take down his US flag because–better sit down for this–because the flag is too noisy
(102)
(Today I Found Out)
2021-03-12
  [STEM] During WWII Germany tested the only rocket-powered combat plane ever built: The Me-163 Komet, fueled with concentrated hydrogen peroxide, hydrazine and methanol. Pros: It was insanely fast. Cons: Fuel leaks that dissolved pilots like cotton candy
(75)
(Bloomberg)
2021-03-07
  [Business] Four-day work week gains popularity as companies find it leads to more profits and productivity, less Maker's Mark spilled on servers
(30)
(FB Photos)
2021-03-10
  [Main] If people from 2020 were on the Titanic. LGT example
(38)
(BBC-US)
2021-02-26
  [Entertainment] Gwyneth Paltrow says COVID gave her "long-tail fatigue"; says a "functional practitioner" prescribed "intuitive fasting" with a "plant-based" diet and "infrared sauna." Meanwhile, the NHS says it's all "not something we'd recommend"
(67)
(Facebook)
2021-02-24
  [Sports] ♫ 33 Swedes on 67-foot diving board ♫ 33 mesmerizing Swedes ♫ If one of those Swedes should happen to fall ♫ 32 Swedes on a 67-foot diving board ♫
(16)
(Some Guy)
2021-02-11
  [Main] The Bob Ross drinking game: It's a bloodbath, but it's a happy little bloodbath
(15)
(FB Photos)
2021-01-31
  [Food] If you've been trying in vain to locate Phyllis Diller's Garbage Soup recipe, you're in luck. Bonus: Photo of horrible early '70s kitchen decor
(37)
(Some Guy)
2021-01-18
  [Main] This just in: If you don't force sleep-deprived teens to sit in tiny desks in crowded, stifling hot rooms all day, subject them to bullies and psychotic teachers and insane rules, punish creativity and reward mediocrity? For some it makes things better
(74)
(Business Insider)
2021-01-14
  [Politics] It's all fun and games throwing Trump out of Twitter and Facebook, until you realize your market value took a $51 billion hit
(112)
(YouTube)
2021-01-13
  [STEM] "Is a Gold Bar Bulletproof?" Remember, kids: If a headline ends with a question, the answer is usually no. Usually
(12)
(Google)
2021-01-10
  [Main] Now that we have Masked Singer and Masked Dancer, there'll be more to come. What's going to be the next Masked ___________ series?
(65)
(YouTube)
2021-01-06
  [Entertainment] "Sound off, SNL fighter pilots." "I'm Wildcard." "Sidewinder." "Viper here." "Clown penis." "Uhh, think we had a bit of static there; can you pl-" "I said CLOWN PENIS"
(11)
(YouTube)
2021-01-06
  [Entertainment] "Sound off, SNL fighter pilots." "I'm Wildcard." "Sidewinder." "Viper here." "Clown penis." "Uhh, think we had a bit of static there; can you pl-" "I said CLOWN PENIS"
(11)