| (Some Guy) 2007-12-31 |
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[Main] Behold: The stupidest random file photo selection since the Kansas City Star ran a story about a clown college kids' activity day with a file photo of John Wayne Gacy | (79) |
| (CBS News) 2007-12-30 |
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[Politics] Today: Hillary says Bhutto was a personal friend and she mourns for her and her two children. Tomorrow: Hillary explains why she didn't know her personal friend actually had three children | (54) |
| (Yahoo) 2007-12-29 |
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[Politics] Huffington Post looks back at 2007 and is shocked to realize the new Democratic Congress didn't keep any of its campaign promises. Bonus: They also claim no one wanted them to cut off funding for the war | (41) |
| (BBC) 2007-12-29 |
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[Main] In an effort to bridge cultural divides and promote understanding and tolerance, Malaysian government passes a law saying only Muslims can use the word "Allah" | (139) |
| (Some Guy) 2007-12-27 |
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[Politics] In a stunning bit of investigative journalism, Huffington Post categorically proves Giuliani is unfit for office because one of his advisors made a pass at Jackie Onassis 40 years ago | (29) |
| (Some Guy) 2007-12-26 |
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[Geek] Mathematician announces that magic carpets may be possible; needs more consultation with Steppenwolf before final decision | (18) |
| (Marketwatch) 2007-12-26 |
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[Geek] "Apple Rumor Site Think Secret to Shut Down." In related news, all your base are belong to us | (24) |
| (Reuters) 2007-12-26 |
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[Geek] "Worms infect more Americans than thought." Submitter can confirm that very few people seem to be infected with thought | (39) |
| (Wall Street Journal) 2007-12-26 |
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[Politics] Ron Paul speaks out against a senseless, unnecessary war — the American Civil War, that is. Also says he would have voted against the 1964 Civil Rights Act. This can only end well | (194) |
| (Wall Street Journal) 2007-12-26 |
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[Main] You are the lucky owner of the Model ZVZ156 Vangplotz High-Digenation Wide-Scringe Framulator, Series 7000, with fernillated quick-response Worzel™ and 20,000 zurlebytes of scringe-view quorms | (98) |
| (SacBee) 2007-12-21 |
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[Main] Da Guvernator has a great idea: Let's release 22,000 prison inmates early, just because we can | (160) |
| (Telegraph) 2007-12-20 |
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[Main] The story: Archbishop of Canterbury says some traditions about the Nativity story, such as three wise men, the December birth or the oxen in the stable, may not be true. The headline: "ARCHBISHOP SAYS NATIVITY A LEGEND" | (6) |
| (Some Guy) 2007-12-19 |
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[Main] Bill Clinton: "George Bush Sr. and I are going on a diplomatic tour to restore America's lost respect." George Bush Sr.: "No we're not, and while you're at it please enjoy this nice hot cup of STFU" | (674) |
| (SFGate) 2007-12-18 |
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[Politics] San Francisco Chronicle refutes the claim that Nancy Pelosi has accomplished nothing in the past year, pointing out that she got the House cafeteria to change its menu. Now that's progress | (43) |
| (Daily Mail) 2007-12-17 |
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[Geek] If you've ever suspected the UN is staffed by a bunch of Emos, here's your proof: Climate change expert breaks down in "flood of tears" at conference. Also says no one understands him, threatens to cut himself | (49) |
| (Yahoo) 2007-12-17 |
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[Politics] DINO, meet RINO: Joe Lieberman endorses John McCain. It's a match made in heaven | (38) |
| (Yahoo) 2007-12-14 |
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[Main] Columnist says Western society is more sexually oppressive than Muslim societies because Muslim women WANT to wear burkas | (154) |
| (Chicago Tribune) 2007-12-14 |
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[Politics] Hillary finds the perfect way to connect with the salt-of-the-earth, just plain regular folks in Iowa: Visit every county in a personal helicopter. That'll work | (208) |
| (Local6) 2007-12-14 |
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[Main] "Santa Claus Hates You" T-shirts selling like hotcakes. Bonus: He's flippin' the bird, too | (87) |
| (Some Guy) 2007-12-12 |
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[Politics] To their chagrin, Democrats are discovering that Nancy Pelosi is a "conventional" leader. Translation: She's just as much of a lying, two-faced weasel as anyone else in Congress | (41) |
| (ABC) 2007-12-12 |
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[Politics] Hurricane Center chief: "Sorry, Dems, but no one coerced me to downplay any link between global warming and hurricanes." Oh sure–that's just what Bush TOLD him to say | (27) |
| (London Times) 2007-12-11 |
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[Main] The lie, the switch and the wardrobe | (66) |
| (Fox News) 2007-12-10 |
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[Main] Sloooow news day at Fox: "Bar Staff Ask 'Old Fart' to Go Outside to Pass Gas." Bonus: In writing | (115) |
| (Wall Street Journal) 2007-12-10 |
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[Politics] Democrats last year: "We will restore pay-as-you-go budgeting." Last week: "Paygo? Never mind." Bonus: Hillary and Obama both skipped the Senate vote to dump paygo | (63) |
| (Some Guy) 2007-12-08 |
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[Main] Middle school raises $46,000 for a library renovation by letting students pay per swing to smash up the old one with sledgehammers | (38) |
| (Registerbee.com) 2007-12-05 |
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[Main] Letter to the editor writer complains that homophobes won't accept him because he's "bisectional." Submitter has half a mind to write back and set his grammar straight | (80) |
| (Some Guy) 2007-12-04 |
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[Main] And today's Unclear on the Concept award goes to the deli running a sale on boneless hams labeled "Perfect for Chanukah." With picture goodness | (192) |
| (Some Guy) 2007-12-03 |
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[Politics] Columnist asks: "Why Is Hillary Stooping So Low?" Because the Clintons have been nothing but elegant and classy folks up till now | (37) |
| (AP) 2007-11-28 |
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[Geek] Scientists are worried that after three years of failed doomsday hurricane forecasting, people might not listen next year when they tell everyone to panic | (0) |
| (AZCentral) 2007-11-28 |
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[Politics] Principal suspends grade-schooler who allegedly used the term "brown people," explaining that it's fine to be racist as long as you keep your mouth shut. Difficulty: No, really | (1) |
| (MSNBC) 2007-11-28 |
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[Politics] Chris Matthews: "As long as we still have troops in Iraq, we're losing." In related news, the US still has troops in Germany and Japan, so we are losing World War II | (6) |
| (Yahoo) 2007-11-27 |
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[Politics] Columnist is dumbfounded to learn that despite calling Harry Reid three whole times, civilians simply don't get to order a Senate filibuster like it's a pizza | (13) |
| (Microsoft) 2007-11-27 |
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[Geek] If your PC's CPU fan is failing or the power supply is going bad, it will alert you — by playing "Fur Elise" or "It's a Small World" at random. Well, that's helpful | (31) |
| (ABC) 2007-11-27 |
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[Politics] 2007: Massachusetts discusses ban on spanking. 2017: Massachusetts begs for more federal money to do something about rising juvenile crime | (31) |
| (Some Guy) 2007-11-26 |
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[Main] 1. While teaching yourself HTML, put up a fake Web site that sells tumbleweeds for $25 each. 2. When idiots start submitting orders on your fake site, shrug and fulfill them. 3. Profit: $40,000 a year and counting | (122) |
| (Wall Street Journal) 2007-11-26 |
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[Politics] Fact: Democrats have bet the next election on the troop surge not working. Problem: It's working. Solution: Insist that it wasn't SUPPOSED to work, so Bush was still wrong. Welcome to the Democratic Party | (160) |
| (Yahoo) 2007-11-26 |
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[Politics] "Did Thompson waste too much time to have a chance?" In related news, the election is a year from now | (23) |
| (Some Guy) 2007-11-25 |
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[Showbiz] After doing a nude scene, Natalie Portman is shocked to discover her picture ended up on porn sites | (65) |
| (Atlanta Journal Constitution) 2007-11-24 |
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[Geek] Environmentally friendly building draped in black cloth because birds kept crashing into it. "No species is safe–it's the wall of death." In related news, birds are really, really stupid | (33) |
| (Some Guy) 2007-12-01 |
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[Main] Photoshop a wildly inaccurate label or caption. LGT inspiration | (51) |
| (Yahoo) 2007-11-24 |
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[Politics] Flood of Iraqi refugees into the US slows to a trickle as things keep getting better in Iraq. Quick, someone blame Bush | (134) |
| (Some Guy) 2007-11-23 |
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[Politics] Study reveals the party best affiliated with big business and the majority of the nation's wealthiest districts: The Democratic Party. Wait, what? | (35) |
| (Washington Times) 2007-11-23 |
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[Politics] Today: A fascinating analysis of how Hillary's campaign thwarts honest reporting. Tomorrow: Press release from Hillary about the media picking on her | (13) |
| (CBS2Chicago.com) 2007-11-22 |
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[Politics] US Congressman says he's a victim of racial profiling. "Victim," of course, meaning "I'm a member of Congress–I ought to be able to violate traffic laws whenever I want" | (56) |
| (America Supports You) 2007-11-21 |
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[Main] Send a word of thanks to American troops who won't be home tomorrow because they're defending us in Iraq | (574) |
| (USA Today) 2007-11-19 |
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[Main] The FAA wants travelers to stop bringing carryon baggage entirely. Also recommends all airports post prominent "Abandon All Hope Ye Who Enter Here" signs | (258) |
| (Washington Post) 2007-11-19 |
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[Showbiz] "Kurt Vonnegut was the American Mark Twain." Gosh–wonder who's the British Charles Dickens? | (80) |
| (Herald Tribune (SW Florida)) 2007-11-19 |
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[Main] According to the US Census Bureau, four million names are held by one person. Bet it takes him forever to endorse his paychecks | (137) |
| (Some Guy) 2007-11-16 |
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[Main] More cities using GPS to keep employees from using cars for personal trips; insist it's to help maintain the cars better, not spy on people. Bonus: Town in story saved 14,000 gallons of gas in three months | (59) |
| (Some Guy) 2007-11-14 |
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[Politics] NYU students say they'd give up their right to vote for an iPod touch. Submitter says we can do without a few hundred more idiot voters; bring on the iPods | (61) |
| (Variety.com) 2007-11-15 |
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[Showbiz] The writers' strike is starting to get nasty. Which, of course, is Rush Limbaugh's fault | (35) |
| (Some Guy) 2007-11-14 |
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[Geek] Researchers: "Um–know how we diagnosed all those kids with ADHD and gave 'em Ritalin? Oops–Ritalin doesn't help ADHD, although it does stunt their growth. No hard feelings?" | (61) |
| (ThatsFit.com) 2007-11-14 |
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[Geek] In case you were wondering, goat testicles don't taste like eggs. Difficulty: No, really. That's the actual headline | (13) |
| (Some Guy) 2007-11-14 |
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[Main] "Don't be fooled: Winter is on its way." Finally, some groundbreaking journalism | (58) |
| (Wall Street Journal) 2007-11-14 |
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[Geek] Hacker breaks into Pentagon network; gets routed to a hostile applet that takes down the hacker's server. So he apologized. Just kidding: He wants protection from"offensive use of information war" | (64) |
| (Yahoo) 2007-11-13 |
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[Politics] UN: "Ignoring global warming is criminally irresponsible." Ignoring Darfur, Iran's nuclear program, the Taliban, Oil-for-Food, peacekeeper sex scandals and human trafficking is still A-OK | (97) |
| (Some Guy) 2007-11-12 |
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[Main] Today Incoherent Headline Award goes to: "Regionals deny accusations of bribe oranges." Article is even better: "Inability of BYuT to carry out political activity constructively, has transformed to chronic stage" | (61) |
| (Wall Street Journal) 2007-11-12 |
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[Politics] The rumor that Reagan started his 1980 campaign with a speech courting white racists is easily debunked by 10 minutes of research. So of course, it's being printed as fact by left-wing commentators nationwide | (312) |
| (Breitbart.tv) 2007-11-11 |
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[Main] Note to St. Louis public schools: "Break a leg, kid" is an old show business saying. And it definitely doesn't mean you should send a kid with a real broken leg home on a school bus | (84) |
| (Kansas City) 2007-11-07 |
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[Sports] "The Chiefs weren’t disclosing the status of Johnson other than to say he has a sprain of his middle right foot." In related news, Kansas City has been invaded by aliens | (14) |
| (Boston Globe) 2007-11-07 |
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[Politics] City council member complains that being booted out of office wasn't fair, because he would have won if only more people had voted for him | (11) |
| (ABC) 2007-11-06 |
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[Politics] Even though she claimed all her health-plan task-force papers were already released, Hillary took a second look and realized she just won't have time for it until after the election | (21) |
| (Some Guy) 2007-11-06 |
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[Main] Unclear on the Concept Department: Global warming is especially hard for the poor because they can't afford their heating bills | (206) |
| (The Smoking Gun) 2007-11-06 |
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[Main] All states whose kids don't smoke human waste to get high, step forward. Not so fast, Florida. The Smoking Gun is reluctantly there | (309) |
| (Wired) 2007-11-05 |
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[Politics] Wired: "Good thing 'War of the Worlds' aired when Roosevelt was president rather than Bush–no one did anything hysterical." Japanese internment camp survivors unavailable for comment | (27) |
| (Yahoo) 2007-11-05 |
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[Politics] Huffington Post, November 2007: "Unmarried Women: This Election's Holy Grail." November 2008: "Democrats would have won if all those unmarried women weren't so stupid" | (13) |
| (Newsweek) 2007-11-05 |
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[Politics] Everything the Clintons did from '92 to '96 was perfectly legal and they have absolutely nothing to hide, so the fact that 3,022,030 documents are still locked up in their archive despite numerous FOIA requests is of no consequence | (107) |
| (Some Guy) 2007-11-04 |
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[Video] If you've always wondered what would happen if you fired a golf ball at high speed through a Lava Lamp, your long wait is over. With video goodness | (39) |
| (Yahoo) 2007-10-31 |
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[Main] Bill Maher writes an article: "New Rule: If bowling passes for high school athletics, then maybe it is time for a draft." And that's the whole article. In related news, Bill Maher is not only an asshat; he's a lazy asshat | (172) |
| (Reuters) 2007-10-29 |
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[Main] Having solved all other problems, NYC poised to "crack down on plastic bags." Wonder what they'll do when they realize you have to kill trees to make paper bags | (174) |
| (YouTube) 2007-10-29 |
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[Video] Cannonba..ptism | (19) |
| (Some Guy) 2007-10-29 |
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[Politics] John Edwards: "If elected I will instantly enact universal health care, end the war and overhaul our energy system." Also says he'll raise taxes, which submitter suspects is where the "instantly" part would really come in | (53) |
| (Some Guy) 2007-10-25 |
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[Politics] Financial genius and NYT columnist Paul Krugman writes that not only is the housing bubble burst Bush's fault, it's going to cost the country "several trillion" dollars. That's trillion, with a T-R | (56) |
| (Some Guy) 2007-10-25 |
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[Showbiz] Our story: Bad decision driven by ideological zeal, pursued beyond reason, that wastes millions. No, not the war in Iraq–we're talking about all the movies this fall biatching about Iraq. All of which are bombing | (45) |
| (Guardian) 2007-10-24 |
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[Politics] If you bet today is when someone would publicly blame Bush for the wildfires in California, you just won the office pool | (43) |
| (Wall Street Journal) 2007-10-24 |
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[Politics] New York Times, 1981: "Reagan is an idiot for saying ketchup is a vegetable." 2006: "Ketchup is a vegetable, and very healthy one at that" | (79) |
| (Breitbart.tv) 2007-10-23 |
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[Politics] Rep. Stark apologizes for saying Bush laughs when soldiers die. Includes this priceless quote: "I hope that with this apology I will become as insignificant as I should be" | (87) |
| (Some Guy) 2007-10-22 |
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[Main] "Start of day delayed for kindergartners in Mars." Elton John en route to remind parents Mars ain't the kind of place to raise your kids | (52) |
| (Wall Street Journal) 2007-10-21 |
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[Politics] Apologists: "Global warming will cause catastrophes–we have scientific data." Skeptics: "But what about this scientific data that suggests otherwse?" Apologists: "Science schmience" | (159) |
| (Some Guy) 2007-10-18 |
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[Politics] AP announces that "fragging" officers was common in Vietnam, but unheard of in Iraq. Why is this news? Because the media is still reliving Vietnam, of course | (68) |
| (LA Times) 2007-10-17 |
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[Main] The Los Angeles Times wants you to know that while it's tough to take cow flatulence seriously, it's no joke. Adds that it's a "silent but deadly source of greenhouse gases." But remember: It's no joke | (67) |
| (Some Guy) 2007-10-15 |
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[Politics] Reality: In 1981, Israel bombed Iraq to destroy their nuclear program. Reality, New York Times edition: Because they were acting out Bush's post-9/11 foreign policy | (139) |
| (LA Times) 2007-10-11 |
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[Politics] When MoveOn.org satirizes Gen. Petraeus as Gen. "Betray Us," that's free speech. When a T-shirt company satirizes MoveOn.org, you'd better believe that's not free speech–that's a suin' | (149) |
| (Breitbart.com) 2007-10-10 |
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[Politics] Judge says "An Inconvenient Truth" should actually be titled "Convenient Political Indoctrination" and rules that it can't be shown in schools without guidance notes | (74) |
| (Some Guy) 2007-10-09 |
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[Politics] Democrats turn out not to mind wiretapping so much as long as they get to listen in, too | (70) |
| (Boston Globe) 2007-10-09 |
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[Politics] US military asks anthropologists for info on Iraqi tribes to help reduce bloodshed and improve diplomacy; anthropologists delighted to help. Just kidding: Actually they scream that it's prostituting their science | (82) |
| (Some Guy) 2007-10-05 |
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[Politics] Nancy Pelosi is furious at President Bush's "cruel veto pen." Would it help if he signed the veto with a little smiley face instead? | (63) |
| (Sandypost.com) 2007-10-05 |
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[Politics] Oregon parent whines about National Guard troops appearing at her kids' school. "It seems a little subversive to have military bonding with kids." In related news, nothing is more pathetic than hippies who refuse to grow up | (87) |
| (AP) 2007-10-04 |
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[Politics] McCain says money isn't that important. Translation: "I was just kidding with that bill Feingold and I passed. Can I have a do over?" | (17) |
| (Wall Street Journal) 2007-10-02 |
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[Politics] Democrats on Bush: "He's homophobic and degrades gays." Democrats on Ahmadinejad, who executes gays, then claims Iran has no gays at all: "[crickets chirping]" | (199) |
| (Yahoo) 2007-10-02 |
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[Geek] "When You Buy Red Meat, Looks Can Be Deceiving." I hate you, Milkman Dan | (34) |
| (Yahoo) 2007-10-02 |
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[Politics] Huffington Post: "The government's reaction to 9/11 shows they're mini-testicled racists who wear fishnet stockings and pleasure themselves to crinkled, yellow photos of Henry Ford." Then the article gets a little weird | (18) |
| (Yahoo) 2007-10-02 |
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[Politics] Here's how to keep track of all the numbers related to Obama vs. Clinton, so you'll know which Democratic candidate is set to wrest defeat from the jaws of victory in the election next year | (30) |
| (YouTube) 2007-10-01 |
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[Video] How not to throw a grenade — or how to not throw a grenade, to be more precise. In fact, this is how to drop a live grenade on your foot. SFW, but only because Darwin blinked | (47) |
| (AP) 2007-10-01 |
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[Main] Today's mangled metaphor award goes to Al Sharpton for this gem: "We still have mountains to climb, but at least this is an even playing field." | (113) |
| (Breitbart.com) 2007-10-01 |
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[Main] Actual headline: "Schwarzenegger's blueprint for terminating British PM." No way is anyone going to misunderstand the joke here | (89) |
| (Yahoo) 2007-10-01 |
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[Politics] "What if Bill Clinton had run for president in 1988?" In related news, The Watcher left his gig with Marvel Comics and is writing headlines for Huffington Post now | (29) |
| (AFP) 2007-09-27 |
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[Geek] If you really need to relax, you could buy this newfangled "stress-free" milk. Because there's nothing stressful about paying $43 for a quart of milk | (28) |
| (AP) 2007-09-26 |
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[Main] Supreme Court: "We want to review whether lethal injection is mean." Texas: "Okay. We're gonna review whether all these inmates are still guilty. Oddly enough, they are" | (363) |
| (Yahoo) 2007-09-25 |
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[Business] Huffington Post launches new financial advice column. Not sure how many different ways you can say "Oil companies are evil" and "Socialized medicine," but welcome aboard | (12) |
| (Some Guy) 2007-09-23 |
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[Politics] Before Hillary breaks her arm patting herself on the back for her health-care plan, she might want to see how a similar plan is working in California. The phrase "not even a little bit" leaps to mind | (34) |
| (Breitbart.com) 2007-09-22 |
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[Politics] You're the president of Iran and about to visit the US. Do you A. Turn on your e-mail autoreply? B. Pack? C. Make a "Great Satan" speech so everyone will be really pissed at you when you arrive? | (36) |
| (Wall Street Journal) 2007-09-21 |
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[Main] Dear liberal media: If someone says "Where's Mandela? Saddam Hussein killed all the Mandelas," he might be using what we adults call a "metaphor," and not referring to the original Nelson Mandela | (337) |
| (USA Today) 2007-09-21 |
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[Main] Bill Clinton says he would be delighted to take his proper place as First Husband in his wife's shadow, and… just kidding. He says if Hillary wins, he'll slit his throat. No, really | (318) |
| (Breitbart.com) 2007-09-20 |
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[Politics] Newt Gingrich says he'll run if voters give him $30 million. I wonder what it would cost us to get him NOT run? | (45) |
| (Detroit Free Press) 2007-09-19 |
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[Politics] The Department of Health and Human Services is expanding its charter to become the Department of Telling You What Kind of Car to Buy Unless You WANT to Rape the Planet | (36) |
| (Some Guy) 2007-09-18 |
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[Main] Calling the power of Fark: UM's "Office of Lesbian Gay Bisexual and Transgender Affairs" says it needs a new name; the current one isn't inclusive enough. Help them think of a new one. VE | (434) |
| (Boston Globe) 2007-09-17 |
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[Politics] Teddy Kennedy set to write autobiography about enduring the deaths of his brothers, the breakup of his first marriage and "other personal trials." Mary Jo Kopechne unavailable for comment | (55) |
| (Slate) 2007-09-17 |
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[Politics] Hillary Clinton, yesterday: "The GOP is responsible for a lot of destructive talk about Latinos." April, 2006: "I'm sick of seeing illegal immigrants standing around on street corners looking for yard work" | (101) |
| (Some Guy) 2007-09-17 |
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[Politics] Harry Reid, this week: "I'm glad Bush listened to us for his AG nomination." Next month, post-nomination: "The Attorney General is the Antichrist and it's all Bush's fault" | (46) |
| (Yahoo) 2007-09-17 |
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[Geek] Digital protesting is more effective and fun because no one gets tear-gassed. With "Look at me, I was really a cool hippie protester back in the '60s and please God let me relive my glory days" photo goodness | (40) |
| (Wall Street Journal) 2007-09-17 |
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[Main] If you live in a smaller town, expect to have your airport shut down in the next few years unless the FAA overhauls the entire air-traffic control system. But don't worry — your government will come through for you | (83) |
| (London Times) 2007-09-17 |
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[Politics] If you run against Andrei Lugovoy for a seat in Russia's parliament, avoid eating dinner with him and don't accept any fruit baskets | (5) |
| (Some Guy) 2007-09-14 |
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[Politics] Problem: California high school students aren't learning history. Solution: Send a note home with students asking parents to renounce their U.S. citizenship in protest over Guantanamo detainees | (41) |
| (Some Guy) 2007-09-13 |
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[Politics] Giuliani demands a full-page ad in The New York Times with Moveon.org's 77 percent discount | (82) |
| (Wall Street Journal) 2007-09-10 |
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[Main] The good news is that Hillary and Obama are giving all of Hsu's direct donations to charity. The obvious news is that Hsu's direct donations are only a tiny fraction of the bundled donations he sent them | (177) |
| (Yahoo) 2007-09-10 |
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[Geek] Chip implants linked to cancer in animals. Also linked to increased tinfoil sales among humans | (14) |
| (Yahoo) 2007-09-09 |
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[Politics] The story: Univision invited Democrats to a debate, but not Republicans. The headline: "Republicans Ignore People of Color" | (72) |
| (SeattlePI) 2007-09-06 |
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[Politics] Craig supporters call for boycott of Minneapolis airport. In related news, how the hell do you boycott an airport? | (56) |
| (Fox News) 2007-09-06 |
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[Showbiz] Stupid: Movie reviewer admits he didn't tell readers how boring Leo DiCaprio's movie was because he wanted people to learn about global warming. Fark: We're talking about the Fox News movie reviewer here | (28) |
| (ZDNet) 2007-09-06 |
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[Geek] Pop quiz: What article did the following appear in? "OK, Larry Craig is not gay. We're winning in Iraq. Global warming is a hoax." If you guessed "a tech article about OOXML," you win a cookie | (8) |
| (Some Guy) 2007-09-06 |
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[Politics] Obama supporters show up for parade in Manchester; cause chaos because they refuse to talk with the VFW and instead break most of the local traffic laws. Must be that "Audacity of Hope" stuff | (199) |
| (Yahoo) 2007-09-04 |
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[Politics] The Huffington Post gets incoherent on occasion, but this is the first time they've ever claimed James Bond was in the US Senate | (30) |
| (Some Guy) 2007-09-04 |
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[Politics] New York Times, last week: "Sen. Larry Craig has got to go." This week: "Gosh, that nasty ol' GOP sure was quick to keelhaul poor Larry Craig" | (65) |
| (Wall Street Journal) 2007-09-04 |
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[Business] Not news: Trade unions are big fans of affirmative action. News: For whites | (56) |
| (YouTube) 2007-09-04 |
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[Video] Behold: The funniest thing that ever happened on Johnny Carson's "The Tonight Show" | (50) |
| (BBC) 2007-09-02 |
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[Main] Swedish punks riot in Copenhagen over closure of youth center, saying that just because the city owned the building doesn't mean they had any right to sell it | (67) |
| (Some Guy) 2007-09-02 |
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[Business] Reform-minded trustees are infuriating Dartmouth faculty, who expect only money–not opinion or oversight–from alumni donors | (23) |
| (Yahoo) 2007-08-31 |
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[Politics] Maybe — just maybe — it would be more helpful for the Democrats to stop complaining that Bush failed to rebuild New Orleans and instead submit a workable rebuilding plan of their own | (114) |
| (Yahoo) 2007-08-31 |
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[Main] Old and busted: Selling an entire bridge in New York. New hotness: Stealing an entire bridge in Russia | (26) |
| (Yahoo) 2007-08-31 |
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[Politics] Bush's failed Iraq policies mean the entire Defense Department and the whole U.S. military is in a complete meltdown. Not that we're shooting for drama here or anything | (96) |
| (ABC) 2007-08-27 |
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[Politics] Surprise: Hillary and Obama both vow not to travel by hitching rides on expensive corporate jets. No surprise: So they're chartering much more expensive private jets instead | (97) |
| (NBC6.net) 2007-08-27 |
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[Main] "Cuba Foreign Minister Says Castro Health Rumors Untrue." So if you hear any rumors about Castro being healthy, don't listen | (45) |
| (Wall Street Journal) 2007-08-27 |
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[Politics] Blue Dog Democrats' website says they want to balance the budget and restrain spending. Not sure how the $21 billion in domestic spending they piled on top of Bush's budget will help, but it's a nice thought | (118) |
| (Some Guy) 2007-08-26 |
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[Politics] The Fair Tax: If it sounds too good to be true, it probably is. If it was devised by the Church of Scientology because they hate the IRS for not giving them tax-exempt status, it's probably batshiat loony to boot | (78) |
| (Some Guy) 2007-08-26 |
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[Politics] UCLA study discovers that thanks to affirmative action, we now have fewer black attorneys than we would have had without affirmative action. That's some fine social engineering there, Lou | (77) |
| (AP) 2007-08-26 |
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[Politics] Democratic Party, 2000: "The GOP stole our votes in Florida." 2007: "If Florida holds its Democratic primary too early to suit us, we'll throw the votes away" | (73) |
| (First Coast News) 2007-08-24 |
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[Main] "Police say the suspect hid inside a sweltering port-a-john on a hospital construction site until a police K-9 unit caught his scent and flushed him out." That's some fine metaphor work there, Lou | (30) |
| (Fox News) 2007-08-23 |
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[Geek] "Study: Men With 'Cavemen' Faces Most Attractive to Women." Yeah, but can they buy car insurance? | (31) |
| (Slashdot) 2007-08-23 |
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[Showbiz] "Warner Brothers to Turn All 15 Oz Books Into Movies." Books that weigh more than a pound are out of luck | (36) |
| (Yahoo) 2007-08-23 |
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[Main] United States: Call 911; wait too long for police and an ambulance. Venezuela: Call emergency; no one shows up at all. Put corpse in taxi and send it to the morgue | (90) |
| (AZCentral) 2007-08-22 |
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[Politics] Gore leads in Arizona straw poll, meaning he wins among candidates who aren't actually running in states that haven't had primaries yet | (23) |
| (Some Guy) 2007-08-22 |
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[Politics] FBI sends Seattle Post-Intelligencer photos of three men acting suspiciously on Puget Sound ferry, saying they may be planning a terror attack. Seattle PI refuses to publish them | (53) |
| (Some Guy) 2007-08-21 |
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[Politics] Reporter: "You're not a professional heckler?" Woman who heckled Giuliani: "No." Reporter: "You're not a plant?" Woman (points at a plant): "No; THAT'S a plant" | (31) |
| (Wall Street Journal) 2007-08-20 |
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[Politics] The ACLU chapter that sued a coach for praying, calling it "inherently coercive," now wants the same school to install Muslim footbaths in the restrooms. It's not religious because secular people could wash their feet too, you see | (491) |
| (Yahoo) 2007-08-17 |
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[Politics] Huffington Post wants you to feel very, very sorry for Padilla. Not because he's innocent — because he was caught and convicted by the Bush Administration | (199) |
| (Yahoo) 2007-08-16 |
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[Politics] Newt Gingrich: "A man who executed three college students and raped a young girl was an illegal immigrant." Huffington Post: "Newt Gingrich is about to launch pogroms and declare open war on brown people" | (109) |
| (National Review) 2007-08-14 |
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[Politics] College cafe that refused service to a guy wearing a pro-Israel T-shirt agrees not to discriminate any more, but says cashiers can still refuse individuals if they feel like it. All hail tolerance | (133) |
| (Some Guy) 2007-08-03 |
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[Politics] When Dems walk out on the GOP, it's a principled, dignified stand against brute-force tactics. When the GOP walks out on Dems, "the House erupts in chaos" thanks to the "complete breakdown in parliamentary procedure" | (130) |
| (ABC) 2007-08-01 |
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[Main] First paragraph: Last year a record 10,942 Americans moved to Canada, mostly to get away from Bush. Fourth paragraph: Last year 23,913 Canadians also moved to the US, presumably to get away from Canada's superior health care or something | (269) |
| (Yahoo) 2007-08-01 |
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[Politics] Jonah Goldberg: "We test immigrants before they can vote; why not everyone else?" Huff Post: "Jonah Goldberg endorses Jim Crow and slavery. And he eats puppies, too" | (167) |
| (Yahoo) 2007-08-01 |
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[Politics] Huff Post angrily insists Mitt Romney is unfit for the White House because his dog poops and eBay sells old Playboys. After that the article gets a little weird. Bonus: Unclosed italic tag in article for more reading pleasure | (43) |
| (Yahoo) 2007-07-31 |
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[Politics] Yesterday: The New York Times' analysis of Iraq concludes that things are going much better than we thought. Today: Huffington Post angrily points out that since things aren't actually perfect, no one should listen to the New York Times | (92) |
| (Yahoo) 2007-07-31 |
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[Main] Consumer confidence hits six year high. Quick, someone blame Bush | (325) |
| (Some Guy) 2007-07-30 |
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[Politics] Liberal thinktank visits Iraq and says that despite Democratic conventional wisdom, morale is high and the US has a good chance of winning. The negative media coverage is, of course, all Bush's fault though | (115) |
| (Yahoo) 2007-07-28 |
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[Politics] Alec Baldwin says that if he were president he would immediately pull out of Iraq. If he did it as fast as he kept his promise to leave the country, we would of course never leave | (41) |
| (Washington Post) 2007-07-28 |
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[Politics] Scorecard: When Democrats refused to debate on Fox, they were wisely avoiding a biased turkey shoot. When Republicans refuse to debate on YouTube/CNN, they're yellow-bellied cowards | (108) |
| (USA Today) 2007-07-26 |
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[Main] "Wanted: Volunteers to Be Stung by Jellyfish." Hey, good luck with that | (57) |
| (Some Guy) 2007-07-26 |
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[Main] Lindsey Lohan's lawyer gives her advice: "Whatever you have done in the past, do a 360-degree turn and go the other way." You know, that sure explains a lot | (107) |
| (Independent) 2007-07-26 |
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[Main] Iran admits it has enough centrifuges to make a nuclear bomb, but insists it would never use one, because that would be suicide. Let's see here: Muslims, bomb, suicide… what could possibly go wrong? | (607) |
| (Some Guy) 2007-07-26 |
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[Politics] House Democrats delighted to have passed a bill forbidding permanent US bases overseas. The fact that this is already US policy does not detract from their stunning victory | (39) |
| (Yahoo) 2007-07-26 |
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[Main] Nanny State goes 50 for 0 against common sense as utilities propose taking over control of homeowners' thermostats to reduce power consumption | (178) |
| (Yahoo) 2007-07-26 |
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[Main] Editorial: "Harry Potter had no moral crisis in the seventh book, which is poorly written." Translation: "I wish I had sold 325 million books, too. And Snape kills Dumbledore" | (299) |
| (Some Guy) 2007-07-26 |
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[Politics] Overview of the Hillary/Obama feud: Hillary: "You're a poopyhead." Obama: "I know you are, but what am I?" Hillary: "I'm rubber; you're glue." Obama: "Idiot says 'What?' " | (11) |
| (Politico.cm) 2007-07-26 |
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[Politics] Look out, Culture of Corruption: The Democrats are coming. And they've got a defense spending bill with 1,776 earmarks. Hey, at least it's patriotic | (49) |
| (Some Guy) 2007-07-16 |
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[Politics] "Rove Strategy Paper Found in Nixon Archive." Next up: Proof that Rove is responsible not only for 9/11 and Watergate, but also the Teapot Dome scandal and the Civil War | (35) |
| (Telegraph) 2007-07-16 |
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[Politics] The first Muslim in Congress, according to this, "has cultivated a moderate image" since being elected. Not sure if comparing Bush to Hitler is part of the moderate image, but at least he's trying | (84) |
| (Yahoo) 2007-07-16 |
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[Politics] Huffington Post says Bush is going to put anyone trying to buy food or medicine in secret prisons. After that the article gets a little weird | (48) |
| (CNSNews) 2007-07-15 |
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[Politics] Planned Parenthood's marketing: "We need your money. We're not just about abortion, you know–we also do adoption referrals." Annual report: $908 million in income, 265,000 abortions, 0 adoptions | (97) |
| (WCBStv.com) 2007-07-14 |
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[Main] If you're being deployed to Iraq and are afraid of getting hurt, hiring a hit man to shoot you might be a solution worse than the problem | (60) |
| (Yahoo) 2007-07-11 |
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[Geek] Finally, someone dared to ask the question no one else wanted to speak aloud: Would Dwight Eisenhower like the iPhone? | (19) |
| (Yahoo) 2007-07-11 |
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[Politics] When Barack Obama says, "It's time to turn the page," he's talking about Hillary, not Bush. In related news, Bob Seger drafts annoyed cease-and-desist letter | (17) |
| (Yahoo) 2007-07-11 |
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[Politics] In an effort to curb gang violence, ATF thinks it will be a great idea to "aggressively confront would-be gun buyers" at gun shows. This can only end well | (34) |
| (Minneapolis Star Tribune) 2007-07-09 |
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[Main] Congress' only Muslim notes that atheists are similarly unpopular, telling atheists that Muslims will always support their right to be atheists. In related news, Unlikely and Dumbass tags killed in head-on collision | (636) |
| (Yahoo) 2007-07-07 |
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[Geek] Huff Post columnist: "The New York Times' iPhone review was unprofessional." Translation: "I wish Apple had sent ME a free pre-release iPhone" | (15) |
| (Some Guy) 2007-07-06 |
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[Politics] Stupid: New York is enforcing a new noise ordinance with a $350 fine. Stupider: Thousands of cops are on patrol for the new ordinance. Fark: First fine issued to an ice-cream truck driver | (23) |
| (Yahoo) 2007-07-05 |
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[Music] Yabba-Dabba Dead | (14) |
| (This Is Local London) 2007-07-03 |
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[Showbiz] Elton John furious because he had to walk 50 whole yards to his dressing room after the Diana tribute. Oh, the gay manatee | (56) |
| (Some Guy) 2007-06-29 |
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[Main] Power blackout hits Phoenix during 110-degree weather. Had this been in New York, you would already be tired of hearing about it | (241) |
| (Yahoo) 2007-06-29 |
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[Politics] The Huffington Post really, really wants Bush to pardon Libby because then we'd have to impeach Cheney. After that the article gets a bit incoherent | (36) |
| (NYT) 2007-06-29 |
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[Main] Having banned smoking, fat and impure thoughts, New York takes another step closer to being Nanny State by requiring a permit for public photography | (174) |
| (Yahoo) 2007-06-28 |
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[Politics] If you were wondering how long it would take someone to blame revelations of the CIA's past misconduct on President Bush, the answer is two days | (30) |
| (Wall Street Journal) 2007-06-27 |
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[Politics] Third-party candidates never win, and 2008 will be no different. Ralph Nader, Pat Buchanan, Michael Bloomberg and Ross Perot stomp off, muttering | (44) |
| (Yahoo) 2007-06-22 |
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[Politics] You know folks are getting tired of politics as usual when the "Won't Get Fooled Again" editorials get dusted off again | (41) |
| (Yahoo) 2007-06-22 |
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[Politics] Liberal columnist griping about how America has had so many lousy presidents, especially Bill Clinton. Wait, what? | (40) |
| (Yahoo) 2007-06-21 |
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[Geek] Stan Lee gets his own action figure, which apparently is really good at making cameos in videos about other action figures | (12) |
| (Some Guy) 2007-06-19 |
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[Main] Father of the Century walked out on family in 1972, then applied for victim benefits when his son died on 9/11, then had to give most of it to his ex for unpaid alimony. So he's suing to get the full $1.45 mil everyone else got | (125) |
| (CrimeLibrary.com) 2007-06-19 |
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[Main] In the last 60 years, Los Angeles has produced 10 percent of the world's serial killers. Officials announce plans to update city motto | (71) |
| (Daily Breeze) 2007-06-18 |
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[Politics] Silly: Graduating student puts toy soldiers on mortarboard. Stupid: He's ordered to cut off the soldiers' guns. Fark: Principal thus hands student a real weapon to remove the fake ones | (16) |
| (Some Guy) 2007-06-18 |
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[Geek] "Father of Climatology" says global warming is just a money scam and bad science. Click the number to the right to join the outraged shrieks that he doesn't know what he's talking about | (108) |
| (WCCO.com) 2007-06-18 |
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[Main] Old and busted: 38-year-old female teacher has sex with 13-year-old student. New hotness: The student is also dating the teacher's daughter | (210) |
| (Some Guy) 2007-06-15 |
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[Politics] Boston Globe, 2005: "Netanyahu is an idiot for thinking withdrawal from Gaza will breed terrorism." 2007: "Sharon was an idiot to withdraw from Gaza and allow terrorism to breed there" | (48) |
| (Yahoo) 2007-06-13 |
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[Main] In addition to having no fun toys, playgrounds in Florida must also have signs saying "No Running." We now return to editorials whining that kids never play outside anymore | (122) |
| (Some Guy) 2007-06-11 |
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[Showbiz] Dear atheists: Don't worry–Chuck Norris is not going to be elected president and tattoo "In God We Trust" on your foreheads. No one would be dumb enough to elect an actor for president, right? | (51) |
| (Rocky Mountain News) 2007-06-11 |
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[Politics] "Denver residents may soon be asked to make personal sacrifices to help save the planet." Translation: We're jacking up energy and insurance rates and here's a list of cars you're not allowed to own | (40) |
| (Wall Street Journal) 2007-06-10 |
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[Main] The ITC bans any cell phone carrier using phones with Qualcomm chips. In other words, almost every cell phone in the US is now illegal | (97) |
| (Some Guy) 2007-06-08 |
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[Politics] Hillary taps Alcee Hastings as her national campaign co-chair; his resume boasts a federal bench seat, FBI bribes, perjury charges and 17 impeachment counts. Look out, culture of corruption: The Dems are coming | (86) |
| (Reuters) 2007-06-08 |
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[Politics] Palestinians are so fed up with local militant groups they wish the Israelis would occupy Gaza and the West Bank again | (67) |
| (Some Guy) 2007-06-08 |
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[Geek] "Health Officials Looking for Two Dangerous Mosquitoes." Hey, good luck | (8) |
| (Wall Street Journal) 2007-06-06 |
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[Politics] The Wall Street Journal wants you to know that anti-Semitism is good for the Jews. This can only end well | (62) |
| (CNN) 2007-06-05 |
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[Politics] Wolf Blitzer: "What is a rich person?" John Edwards: "I don't know." | (79) |
| (Ohio.com) 2007-06-05 |
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[Main] The ACLU is a strong proponent of personal privacy. Unless you're a prison executioner. Then they want to tell everyone who you are | (138) |
| (Breitbart.com) 2007-06-05 |
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[Politics] Barack Obama has a message for African-Americans: Metal health will drive you mad. Or something like that | (36) |
| (Some Guy) 2007-06-05 |
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[Politics] Kucinich agrees to debate on Fox. This, of course, means he is against black voters | (50) |
| (Breitbart.com) 2007-06-05 |
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[Politics] Dems to GOP: We're in UR churches, stealin UR sheep | (54) |
| (Some Guy) 2007-06-04 |
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[Politics] Muslims demand a ban on "non-Islamic" activities in London schools, including plays, parent nights, playground games, vaccinations and swimming lessons | (107) |
| (Breitbart.com) 2007-06-04 |
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[Politics] Short list of things the Democratic candidates promise to do in their first 100 days in office, including travel the world, re-establish America's moral authority, end the war in Iraq and make all nuclear weapons go away | (22) |
| (StupidVideos.com) 2007-06-03 |
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[Main] Fat, stupid, bald and covered with green paint is no way to go through life, son. It's also no way to pretend to be a Ninja Turtle. Even if someone sprays you with a hose | (40) |
| (Yahoo) 2007-06-04 |
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[Politics] Huffington Post notes that Obama skipped an Iowa caucus dinner to attend a California fund-raiser, but insists this is because he's too independent to run with the pack–not because he's chasing money | (18) |
| (YouTube) 2007-06-01 |
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[Politics] Fitzgerald asks court to double Scooter Libby's sentence for a crime Libby was never charged with, based on evidence Fitzgerald never submitted during the trial. God bless Amerika | (88) |
| (Wall Street Journal) 2007-05-28 |
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[Politics] Congress declares it a felony to charge too much for gas when supplies are low, thereby making the laws of supply and demand vanish into thin air | (138) |
| (Wall Street Journal) 2007-05-28 |
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[Politics] Liberals will miss Jerry Falwell | (84) |
| (Some Guy) 2007-05-24 |
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[Politics] Amnesty International sets up a poll asking people who has the worst human rights record: Darth Vader, the Hobgoblin or Dick Cheney. In related news, Star Wars is a movie and Spiderman is a comic book | (73) |
| (Yahoo) 2007-05-23 |
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[Politics] According to Huffington Post, Democrats only pretended to cave in on the war funding bill, because they're Judo experts. No, really–that's really what they're saying | (72) |
| (Yahoo) 2007-05-23 |
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[Politics] Early reviews of Al Gore's new book, "Assault on Reason," indicate Gore defines "assault" as "media and free speech the government doesn't control" | (104) |
| (Yahoo) 2007-05-17 |
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[Politics] Obama's gaffes mean nothing — everyone misspeaks on occasion. Bush's gaffes, on the other hand, prove he's a moron. In related news, there is no such thing as media bias | (146) |
| (Wall Street Journal) 2007-05-16 |
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[Geek] New and busted: iPods. Old hotness: Real live jukeboxes with 45 RPM records. An 80-gig hard drive just can't beat a half ton of chrome and bubbles, baby | (21) |
| (Newsday) 2007-05-16 |
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[Main] Dunkin' Donuts employee calls police when he discovers his customer is an escaped sex slave. "It made my day more sentimental" | (88) |
| (YouTube) 2007-05-16 |
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[Music] If you've been wondering how to turn yet another great '60s song into a brainless technobeat whorefest with thigh boots and turntable scratching, here's the Royal Gigolos' "California Dreamin'" | (19) |
| (Breitbart.com) 2007-05-15 |
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[Main] Fred Thompson responds to Michael Moore's debate challenge; invites him to check into a Cuban mental hospital. With cigar-chomping video goodness | (431) |
| (Some Guy) 2007-05-14 |
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[Main] The U.S. Post Office announces that if you have a large envelope that is square, they will deliver it only if it is also rectangular. If it isn't, it will be impossible to deliver. Everybody got that? | (115) |
| (Yahoo) 2007-05-14 |
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[Geek] "NASA study: Eastern U.S. to get hotter." In related news, the first day of summer is next month | (9) |
| (YouTube) 2007-05-12 |
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[Music] Peanut butter and chocolate. Frank Zappa and Stairway to Heaven. Some things were just meant to go together | (28) |
| (Village Voice) 2007-05-08 |
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[Main] Last year: New York Times won a Pulitzer for exposing the government's data mining for national security. This year: NYT announces it's data mining its own customers to increase profits | (65) |
| (retroCrush) 2007-05-08 |
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[Music] "American Pie" by the Brady Bunch kids, and 99 other cover songs from hell. With audio goodne — er, with audio | (48) |
| (YouTube) 2007-05-07 |
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[Video] "Hi: I'm a Marvel." "And I'm a DC." Farktastic Mac/Pc commercial parody | (31) |
| (Some Guy) 2007-05-04 |
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[Main] Yesterday: Huffington Post was mad because Obama doesn't watch TV. Today: AP asks GOP candidates what they'd take to a desert island. Tomorrow: The media complains that no one cares about real issues | (52) |
| (Chicago Sun-Times) 2007-05-04 |
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[Main] One of Jose Padilla's jurors thinks the US government is responsible for 9/11. Another says she's oblivious to world events. Since Padilla is batshiat crazy, it's nice to know he's being tried by his peers | (95) |
| (Some Guy) 2007-05-04 |
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[Politics] Hillary Clinton wants Congress to to repeal the the authority it gave Bush. For which she voted. For a war that has already happened. In related news, Hillary Clinton apparently has a time machine | (164) |
| (Some Guy) 2007-05-03 |
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[Politics] Athletic-American students are offended at Middlebury College's Dean of Institutional Diversity. Two items: 1. Subby is not making this up. 2. Including "Athletic-Americans" and "Dean of Diversity" | (32) |
| (Yahoo) 2007-05-03 |
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[Politics] Reporter asks Obama about his favorite TV show. Obama replies that he doesn't really watch much TV. This is a big problem for the Huffington Post | (73) |
| (YouTube) 2007-05-02 |
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[Music] My guitar wants to kill your mama: Frank Zappa, Joe Satriani, Eric Johnson and Steve Vai live. Sometimes the Cool tag just don't hack it | (24) |
| (Yahoo) 2007-05-01 |
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[Main] According to this article, no one got upset about the partial-birth abortion ruling last week because the New York Times wants to outlaw premarital sex. Then the article gets weird | (265) |
| (Yahoo) 2007-05-01 |
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[Main] The Huffington Post wants you to know that the press is the scapegoat for everything that goes wrong. In related news, submitter's "Check Engine" light came on today. Damn that mainstream media | (75) |
| (News.com.au) 2007-04-30 |
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[Geek] Today: Australian scientist announces ocean currents, not man, causing global warming. Tomorrow: Al Gore demands that we outlaw ocean currents | (35) |
| (Chicago Tribune) 2007-04-26 |
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[Main] Chicago teen arrested over an essay. Police insist they can arrest someone if his writing "disturbs" someone else. In related news, death warrant issued for Stephen King | (168) |
| (Some Guy) 2007-04-25 |
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[Politics] New York Times editorial board: "Religious groups shouldn't be allowed to dictate who can and can't get married." No, the New York Times editorial board should make that call | (36) |
| (Some Guy) 2007-04-24 |
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[Politics] AP runs a story praising Cuba because you don't see homeless out on the streets. Oh sure, a lot of them don't have anything to eat, but still | (59) |
| (Telegraph) 2007-04-23 |
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[Main] Scientists announce method for saving the planet: Stop going to work | (119) |
| (The Smoking Gun) 2007-04-23 |
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[Main] Sheryl Crow's backstage list: Monday: Maker's Mark. Tuesday: Bombay Gin. Wednesday: Courvosier. Nothing about toilet paper, though. The Smoking Gun is there | (218) |
| (YouTube) 2007-04-23 |
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[Video] Problem: Hillary's fake southern accent didn't fool anyone last time she was down south. Solution: Try it in New York instead | (100) |
| (Yahoo) 2007-04-19 |
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[Politics] Advice for Huffington Post: If you want to make a cogent, rational argument for gun control, try not to start your argument with historical inaccuracies | (78) |
| (Billings Gazette) 2007-04-16 |
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[Main] Actual headline: "Butte Blast Blamed on Leaking Gas." Sometimes you have to just sit back and let great art flow over you | (47) |
| (Gainesville.com) 2007-04-16 |
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[Politics] Columnist complains that everyone says "Hillary" instead of "Sen. Clinton," which is disrespectful and demeaning. In related news, Sen. Clinton's campaign site is titled "Hillary for President" | (24) |
| (Some Guy) 2007-04-16 |
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[Politics] John Kerry explains that he's not running right now, but things could change, but he's not sure, although his options are open, but he could reconsider, but he's sure he'll decide soon. Thanks for clearing THAT up, Mr. Nuance | (49) |
| (Telegraph) 2007-04-16 |
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[Politics] British journalists boycott Israel. "It takes some skill to do something that is at once inane, ineffectual, counter-productive and insulting to the intelligence. But that is what the National Union of Journalists has managed to do" | (22) |
| (UPI) 2007-04-13 |
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[Main] Alzheimer's association president upset with Larry King for saying he would retire if he developed Alzheimer's. Can't they just forgive and forget? | (42) |
| (Detroit News) 2007-04-13 |
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[Geek] "GM Puts Brakes on New Rear-Wheel Drive Vehicles." Geez, I hope so | (34) |
| (Some Guy) 2007-04-13 |
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[Politics] Selective Outrage Dept.: Barack Obama, this year: "Don Imus should be fired for thos racist remarks." Last year: He participated in events with Nappy Roots and Ludacris, later saying how much he appreciated their cultural contributions | (119) |
| (Yahoo) 2007-04-12 |
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[Main] Huffington Post wants the media to report responsibly on global warming — "responsibly" meaning, of course, "please ignore any detractors no matter how well informed or qualified they are" | (571) |
| (Some Guy) 2007-04-10 |
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[Main] "Experts say it's too hard to fall over accidentally." In related news, the inability to fall down accidentally is a problem requiring expert intervention | (46) |
| (Google) 2007-04-09 |
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[Video] What the Easter Bunny does the rest of the year. With SFW video goodness | (23) |
| (Some Guy) 2007-04-09 |
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[Showbiz] Tori Spelling and her mom spent nine months not talking to each other after reading they were mad at each other in the entertainment tabloids. In related news, Dumbass tag complains of feeling totally inadequate | (13) |
| (Contra Costa Times) 2007-04-09 |
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[Main] And today's Incoherent Headline Award goes to: "Zach Who? Steals Show Johnson Doesn't Blink Despite Tiger" | (68) |
| (Some Guy) 2007-04-09 |
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[Main] Survey shows more than half of Europeans are in favor of a pre-emptive strike against Iran. Same survey also shows that more than half support someone else paying for it | (319) |
| (Washington Post) 2007-04-09 |
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[Politics] The press can't cover John McCain enough when he slams Bush or the GOP. But now that he's saying things are starting to look better in Iraq, no one's paying any attention | (86) |
| (RushLimbaugh.com) 2007-04-06 |
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[Politics] Not news: Rush Limbaugh interviews a liberal so he can make fun of her. News: He ends up agreeing with her. Fark: She ends up agreeing with him, too. In related news, DOGS AND CATS LIVING TOGETHER — EVERYBODY PANIC | (148) |
| (Some Guy) 2007-04-06 |
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[Politics] Nancy Pelosi may have committed a felony when she went to Syria. Quick: Someone call Patrick Fitzgerald. He'll surely be just as fair as he was with Scooter Libby | (403) |
| (Drudge) 2007-04-04 |
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[Politics] Widespread concern over spot on McCain's head. Gorbachev snickers, says, "Amateur." A little soda water should take that right out | (28) |
| (Some Guy) 2007-04-03 |
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[Politics] Good thing Obama is totally above all those nasty politics as usual. Otherwise he might do something mean, like destroy an opponent by leaking confidential divorce info to the media | (45) |
| (Yahoo) 2007-04-03 |
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[Politics] Ariana Huffington whines that the media is overreporting how much money Hillary's campaign has raised so far. Also says the media doubled the amount of silverware missing from the White House | (11) |
| (WKKJ.com) 2007-04-02 |
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[Main] Actual headline: "Einstein's Challange." Good thing math geniuses don't have to be able to spell | (132) |
| (Breitbart.com) 2007-04-02 |
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[Politics] Day 1: Refuse to denounce Iran for kidnapping British soldiers because "we do not want to insert Congress into the Middle East." Day 2: Embark on a multi-city tour of the Middle East. Thanks for not inserting Congress anywhere, Nancy | (64) |
| (Fox News) 2007-04-02 |
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[Politics] Old and busted: Jesus Christ's face on a grilled cheese sandwich. New hotness: Barack Obama's face on a statue of Jesus Christ (news video) | (12) |
| (Telegraph) 2007-04-01 |
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[Politics] Endorsements You Don't Want Dept.: Geraldine Ferraro, VP candidate who lost in the biggest landslide in American history, says "I've got Hillary's back" | (28) |
| (Some Guy) 2007-03-30 |
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[Main] California geniuses report that windblown desert dust is polluting their cities. Ralph Nader announces plan to sue nature | (57) |
| (Breitbart.com) 2007-03-30 |
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[Main] Today's headline: Eighth graders feed classmates laxative-laced doughnuts. Tomorrow's headline: Doughnuts outlawed in public school | (50) |
| (Sun Sentinel) 2007-03-29 |
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[Geek] Now this is a piquant Chardonnay, with a bold, fruity nose and smooth aftertaste with strong notes of vanilla and sturgeon bladder… Wait, what? | (8) |
| (SmartMoney.com) 2007-03-29 |
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[Politics] Professor withholds taxes every year to protest military spending. Which the IRS always takes anyway, plus fines. Which means he's paying MORE for military spending than he has to. Remember: He's a professor. He's smarter than you | (42) |
| (Yahoo) 2007-03-27 |
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[Main] Scientists spot "bizarre hexagon" on Saturn. As opposed to all the other normal hexagons on Saturn. In related news, Yahoo science writer actually writes, "This thing is a hexagon" | (289) |
| (Yahoo) 2007-03-27 |
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[Geek] Mount St. Helens becoming an "open-system" volcano like Kilauea in Hawaii. In related news, Stitch spotted driving a gas tanker on I-5 in Washington state | (11) |
| (AFP) 2007-03-27 |
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[Main] The BBC thought no one would notice if they filmed an Easter special in November. Since you're reading this you can guess how well it worked. The "BBC is staffed with morons" trifecta is officially in play | (47) |
| (Daily Mail) 2007-03-26 |
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[Politics] BBC spends £200,000 of the taxpayers' money to block a Freedom of Information inquiry into whether their reporting is biased toward Palestine. Which seems to have pretty much settled that question already | (11) |
| (SFGate) 2007-03-19 |
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[Politics] San Francisco radio station surprised when some of its listeners thought it wasn't nice to say Christians are all bigoted fascists. "I thought our audience was more open-minded and tolerant than that" | (185) |
| (Breitbart.com) 2007-03-19 |
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[Politics] Valerie Plame testifies she was so incredibly covert that she herself still doesn't know what her own legal status was | (412) |
| (Wall Street Journal) 2007-03-15 |
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[Main] For your reading enjoyment, here's a list of 31 terrorist plots Khalid Sheikh Mohammad claims he masterminded, including 9/11, '93's WTC bombing, the Shoe Bomber and "American Idol" | (216) |
| (Yahoo) 2007-03-15 |
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[Main] Nurse takes a break from testifying against her landlord in court to give him CPR and save his life. Landlord thanks her; promises he'll wait until he's out of the hospital to resume suing her | (40) |
| (Yahoo) 2007-03-15 |
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[Politics] Hillary takes a bold stand on homosexuality. "Bold stand" meaning, of course, that when asked if it is immoral she replied "I'll leave that for others to decide" | (38) |
| (JSOnline) 2007-03-14 |
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[Main] When three GOP staffers jam some phone lines on Election Day, it's election tampering. When four Democrats slash $2,500 worth of tires to keep Republicans from voting, it's "a silly prank" | (311) |
| (Some Guy) 2007-03-04 |
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[Politics] Bill Maher is sorry the assassination attempt on Cheney failed, but not as sorry as he will be for having said on TV that he's sorry the assassination attempt on Cheney failed | (69) |
| (VOA News) 2007-03-01 |
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[Geek] The UN solves global warming by issuing a sternly worded memo forbidding the temperature to rise any more. No, really | (12) |
| (Some Guy) 2007-03-01 |
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[Main] The "carbon offset" certificates Al Gore buys for his 200-bazigawatt house are actually just stock certificates in a company he founded. But he feels very guilty about getting rich from it | (646) |
| (Some Guy) 2007-03-01 |
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[Main] Jesus Christ's tomb was discovered clear back in 1980, but somehow the archeologists and other pros involved never knew whose it was until James Cameron showed up | (380) |
| (US News) 2007-02-28 |
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[Main] Yesterday morning, Associated Press misquoted Alan Greenspan as saying a recession was coming. Yesterday afternoon, the stock market tanked. This, of course, is all Matt Drudge's fault | (114) |
| (NYPost) 2007-02-27 |
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[Showbiz] This year's Oscar goodie bag includes a bunch of energy credits so our poor celebrities can keep using their limos and private jets guilt-free | (27) |
| (Wall Street Journal) 2007-02-27 |
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[Politics] Bush administration about to lift a stupid law requiring all shipments from Mexico to be reloaded onto American trucks less than 25 miles from the border. The unions, of course, Are. Not. Amused | (119) |
| (Wall Street Journal) 2007-02-26 |
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[Politics] New Math: If you ask Hillary about her husband's sex scandal, that's "dredging up old history." If you write a story about Mitt Romney's great-grandfather being a polygamist, that's "news" | (80) |
| (Some Guy) 2007-02-22 |
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[Main] Planned Parenthood offers its own cell phone service. Contracts have hefty termination fees, though | (111) |
| (CNN) 2007-02-22 |
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[Politics] Iranian official says Iran really just wants to be friends with the US and this whole nuke program thing is just a silly misunderstanding | (51) |
| (Wall Street Journal) 2007-02-22 |
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[Politics] If Nancy Pelosi says Bush is helping al Qaida, that's criticizing his policy. If Dick Cheney, on the other hand, says a Democratic proposal would help al Qaida, he's not criticizing their policy–he's questioning their patriotism | (168) |
| (CQ Politics) 2007-02-22 |
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[Politics] As usual, the media is creaming its jeans over the Democrats' ability to raise money. Also as usual, the GOP is quietly raising far more money than the Democrats anyway | (57) |
| (AP) 2007-02-22 |
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[Politics] Louis Farrakhan loudly announces that he plans to STFU for good any day now | (40) |
| (Wall Street Journal) 2007-02-21 |
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[Politics] The Earth was warming before global warming was cool | (115) |
| (Reuters) 2007-02-20 |
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[Politics] Reuters "reports" that today is Scooter Libby's "last chance to convince a jury he is not guilty." In related news, the phrase "innocent until proven guilty" taps Reuters on the shoulder, says "ahem" | (48) |
| (Wall Street Journal) 2007-02-19 |
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[Politics] California promises hybrid car users will get to use HOV lanes, then ends the program after issuing limited number of stickers | (33) |
| (Examiner.com) 2007-02-19 |
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[Main] If Hillary wins the White House in '08, Dems want Bill to take over her Senate seat. What could possibly go wrong? | (216) |
| (YouTube) 2007-02-16 |
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[Politics] Rudy Giuliani is not the only presidential candidate running around in drag. Behold: McCain sings Streisand | (10) |
| (LA Times) 2007-02-16 |
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[Politics] Pelosi: "The days of blank checks for President Bush are over." And the days of non-binding resolutions have just begun | (21) |
| (USA Today) 2007-02-17 |
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[Main] Parents of kid who loves "Band of Brothers" throw theme birthday party with WWII costumes, music and a visit from real WWII veterans. Outraged parents flood paper with e-mail; outraged kids wish their parents were that cool | (334) |
| (USA Today) 2007-02-15 |
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[Main] Muqtada al-Sadr's supporters insist he is not hiding out in Iran, despite reports. They're not sure just where he IS hiding out, but they're pretty sure it's not in Iran. Dick Cheney nods approvingly from an undisclosed location | (86) |
| (Wall Street Journal) 2007-02-14 |
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[Politics] Barack Obama had a bad habit of voting "present" on controversial bills during his tenure in the Illinois Legislature | (258) |
| (Drudge) 2007-02-14 |
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[Main] Hearing on global warming cancelled due to ice storm | (807) |
| (Yahoo) 2007-02-12 |
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[Main] Al Gore leads Mitt Romney by 11 points, according to the Bureau of Election Statistics About People Who Aren't Actually Running. In related news, Spider-Man outpolls Barack Obama 10 to one | (137) |
| (Yahoo) 2007-02-12 |
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[Main] Having plunged to the low 30s, Bush's approval rating now skyrockets to 41 percent. Well, no one's saying "skyrocket," but "plunged" is still okay | (418) |
| (Telegraph) 2007-02-12 |
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[Main] Looks like it's time to add Valentine's Day bouquets to the list of things you are personally doing to destroy the planet | (77) |
| (Yahoo) 2007-02-11 |
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[Politics] New Democratic House Committee on Administration chairwoman will get rid of GOP corruption, improve efficiency, get rid of pork, eliminate human error, bring peace to the Middle East and get you laid. Tuesday's agenda is even more ambitious | (22) |
| (Some Guy) 2007-02-10 |
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[Politics] Al Gore sponsoring some global warming concert that will be bigger than Live Aid. Which is great, because we all know how Live Aid stopped famine in its tracks | (75) |
| (Some Guy) 2007-02-10 |
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[Politics] Students may be forbidden to perform play based on "To Kill a Mockingbird." The best way to combat racism: Pretend it never happened | (38) |
| (Wall Street Journal) 2007-02-03 |
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[Politics] Stagnant wages, the "savings rate" and other non-problems | (31) |
| (Yahoo) 2007-02-02 |
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[Main] Dems "working to clean up the financial mess left by Republicans," according to this editorial–I mean, news item. In related news, there is no such thing as liberal media bias | (267) |
| (Courant.com) 2007-02-01 |
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[Politics] The poll results are in on Chris Dodds' presidential campaign: "Laughable" | (21) |
| (Fox News) 2007-02-01 |
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[Main] "113 nations blame man for climate change." I say we find this man and try to talk some sense into him | (755) |
| (Yahoo) 2007-02-01 |
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[Politics] Huffington Post is shocked, SHOCKED, that Iran is getting unfairly blamed for training insurgents in Iraq. Because we all know how Iran is spilling over with love and warm feelings toward the U.S. | (100) |
| (LA Times) 2007-01-30 |
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[Main] Johns Hopkins professor and New Republic editor wonders, "Was 9/11 really that bad?" | (448) |
| (Yahoo) 2007-01-27 |
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[Politics] The biatching continues over Bush failing to mention Katrina in his SOTU address. In related news, Richard Nixon never mentioned the Spanish-American war even once the whole time he was in office | (87) |
| (Yahoo) 2007-01-27 |
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[Politics] "Clinton Concedes Role in Authorizing War." Finally, the mystery is solved. If only there were some record of who voted to authorize the war | (40) |
| (Some Guy) 2007-01-26 |
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[Main] Thanks to Dakota Fanning's rape scene, the government now wants to review all movie scripts before filming starts. Step right up, asshats: Plenty of blame to go around | (398) |
| (Yahoo) 2007-01-25 |
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[Politics] As the Scooter Libby trial gets underway, Huffington Post wants you to know that they're really tired of talking about Bush's flawed case for attacking Iraq | (23) |
| (Wall Street Journal) 2007-01-23 |
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[Politics] The "Frank Luntz May Go Democratic" trifecta is officially in play | (14) |
| (MSNBC) 2007-01-22 |
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[Politics] Chuck Schumer says the Dems can win the White House the way they won the House and Senate: By getting people to vote for his imaginary friends. No, really. That's actually what he says | (55) |
| (Yahoo) 2007-01-22 |
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[Politics] Power does strange things to Democrats: Put a gavel in their hands and a camera in their face and they revert to the name-calling that kept them from the majority for a dozen long years | (87) |
| (Some Guy) 2007-01-19 |
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[Main] A school in Little Rock offered bonuses to teachers for improved student testing. Naturally, students' scores jumped 29 percent. Even more naturally, parents love it. Most natural of all: Teachers' unions are forcing them to stop | (250) |
| (Yahoo) 2007-01-18 |
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[Main] Alleged carjacker allegedly shot in alleged buttocks, allegedly say alleged police | (54) |
| (Yahoo) 2007-01-18 |
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[Politics] We all know the media's in a fawning, jeans-creaming frenzy over Obama's presidential bid, but any minute now the stars will clear from their eyes and they'll get down to some hard-hitting investigative reporting. Any minute now | (166) |
| (Wall Street Journal) 2007-01-18 |
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[Politics] The Democratic field in '08: It's Hillary vs. everyone else | (39) |
| (Washington Post) 2007-01-17 |
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[Main] "American Idol" is the torture camp of show business: We feel bad about it but we still like to watch | (226) |
| (Some Guy) 2007-01-16 |
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[Main] Amsterdam to erect statue honoring prostitutes: "A self-assured woman with her hands on her hips, looking skyward." Statues of kittens tremble in fear | (58) |
| (Wall Street Journal) 2007-01-16 |
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[Politics] Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton don't like Barack Obama because he's too good at bridging racial divides | (75) |
| (Wall Street Journal) 2007-01-16 |
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[Main] Half of all children are below average intelligence. Obvious tag outsmarts Scary tag; Stupid tag held back a year | (372) |
| (Some Guy) 2007-01-15 |
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[Politics] Da Guvernator's new health-care proposal is the same one he campaigned against when he won against Gray Davis | (5) |
| (Denver Post) 2007-01-12 |
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[Main] This just in: "Semen sales are serious business." Semen salesman react stiffly to semen jokes, saying it's hard work and they just need the occasional stroke. Business is goo, though. I mean, GOOD — business is GOOD | (88) |
| (Some Guy) 2007-01-12 |
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[Politics] Michigan colleges still asking for race and gender on admissions forms, even though Michigan outlawed factoring race or gender in admissions. No problem: The colleges solemnly swear to ignore the admissions forms | (55) |
| (Some Guy) 2007-01-12 |
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[Main] New York Times, 2005: "The filibuster is a grand Senate tradition that must be protected from Republicans." NYT, yesterday: "Republicans are dusting off arcane old rules to frustrate Democrats" (third item) | (460) |
| (Reuters) 2007-01-12 |
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[Music] Bob Dylan bores Simon Cowell to tears. In related news — well, actually there is no related news. Or news, for that matter | (53) |
| (Some Guy) 2007-01-11 |
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[Politics] Hillary gets a head start on her Democratic rivals by starting to lose the 2008 presidential election right now | (14) |
| (Some Guy) 2007-01-11 |
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[Politics] Democrats, last year: "Bush needs to put more troops in Iraq." This year: "Send more troops? That's the dumbest thing we've ever heard" | (82) |
| (Chicago Tribune) 2007-01-09 |
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[Main] Chicago Tribune: "Illinois' crime rate continues to fall, despite the rising number of people in prison." In related news, the ground outside is wet despite continued rain | (23) |
| (AP) 2007-01-09 |
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[Politics] EU whines that the U.S. shouldn't have used airstrikes to try to get al Qaida members. Instead, there should have been an "international" ground force — meaning "somebody else's troops," of course | (31) |
| (Some Guy) 2007-01-09 |
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[Politics] New York Times, 2003: "Why are we attacking Iraq when no one has proved Saddam committed any atrocities?" Yesterday: "Er…" | (20) |
| (MSNBC) 2007-01-08 |
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[Politics] Louis Farrakhan turns Nation of Islam over to a board, saying it must prove it's "more than the charisma, eloquence and personality” of one person. Enters hospital to have massive ego removed | (11) |
| (JPost) 2007-01-09 |
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[Main] Bahranian runner wins Tiberian Marathon, manages to say he hopes all people can live together in peace and harmony before Bahrain yanks his citizenship for competing in Israel | (128) |
| (Some Guy) 2007-01-08 |
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[Main] In a gracious gesture from a potential 2008 rival, Sen. Hillary Clinton sends Obama a good-luck card, which just happens to be stapled to the severed head of a horse | (59) |
| (Some Guy) 2007-01-05 |
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[Main] Scientists discover that not eating makes you feel hungry. Still no cure for stupid, wasteful studies at taxpayer expense | (39) |
| (National Review) 2007-01-04 |
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[Politics] Dems promise to make health care cheaper, but everything they've ever done when in power has always made it more expensive | (64) |
| (Yahoo) 2007-01-04 |
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[Politics] "Before you swear me in as Missouri's new senator, can we just take a minute to exempt me from campaign finance laws so I can stick this $1.6 million in my pocket?" | (38) |
| (Some Guy) 2007-01-04 |
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[Politics] Democrats learned a few things from Tom DeLay. To wit, how to rush through legislation without any minority participation or public debate | (57) |
| (Reuters) 2007-01-03 |
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[Main] "Unidentified Goat Found." In related news — well, there is no related news. In fact, there appears to be no news at all | (22) |
| (MSNBC) 2007-01-03 |
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[Main] "U.S. Mines Still Not Safe Enough, Experts Say." Apparently they keep exploding when you step on them | (42) |
| (London Times) 2007-01-03 |
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[Politics] Democrats urge Hillary to go on "charismatic offensive" to counter Obama's boyish charm. First step: Get rid of the dalmatian puppy fur coat | (32) |
