you can't have

A Body Like This In 7 Days!

not gonna happen

Here's What You CAN Have:

  • Unmitigated Perspicacity!
  • Hands-On Management!
  • Carries That Weight a Long Time!
  • Crystalline Vision!
  • Tireless Team Player!
  • Fearless Flexibility!
  • Goes the Distance!
  • Toes the Line!

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New Space-Age "Computer!"

As a fully qualified “computer” operator, I am proficient in:

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* Note: Actual computer guaranteed not to be an antique.
This guarantee does not extend to its user.

X-Ray Vision?

(sorry, no — that's TSA)

But I do offer expertise in:

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Yes!

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No!